


Comfort, Subspace, and Other Elusive Things

by Zee_McZed



Category: El Goonish Shive
Genre: 50 Shades of Grey sucks, BDSM, F/F, F/M, Figuring out a polyamorous situation, First few are clean-ish, Frank discussion of sexuality, Illustrated, Mental Health Issues, Multi, OT3, Obligatory Star Trek jokes, Okay semi-explicit might be an understatement, Semi-explicit sex in later chapters, Slow-ish burn, Woo!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-07-14 14:15:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16042142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zee_McZed/pseuds/Zee_McZed
Summary: Ashley makes an offer. Susan has a lot to ponder before she accepts it. A story of coping, of exploration, of falling in love (or something like it), and of BDSM.





	1. Anticipation

**Author's Note:**

> Caution: While this story does attempt to portray a healthy, not-utterly-dysfunctional relationship that involves BDSM, it is not intended as an instruction booklet. Please do your own research before trying anything in this story, even if we're sticking to depictions of generally-safe-ish things. 
> 
> This story happens about one year post-current-canon (as of September 2018), and is most certainly an AU.
> 
> Thanks to Laparoscopic, who is the best beta reader/editor I could hope for.

"You must be joking."

 

"Why would I joke about something like this?"

 

"Corsets are prohibitively expensive? Let alone something custom-fit!" Susan sputtered a little, staring up at the elegantly hand-painted sign that read MISS DEMEANOR - CUSTOM CORSETRY - LEATHERWORKING. The snow drifted past the floodlights that lit the sign, hitting the sidewalk and melting almost immediately; it was a little warmer than usual for January, and not quite cold enough for the snow to do more than reduce visibility whilst driving. Ashley stuck out her tongue.

 

"It's your birthday! And besides, it's not like I'm hurting for money." None of them were, technically. Community college wasn't particularly expensive, doubly so when you pirated PDFs of your textbooks, and they all had additional income from the Agency - one of the nice things about being a magical lab rat was the pay. And on top of that, the Review Show was taking off - not to pre-scandal Nostalgia Critic levels of popularity, but it definitely had a cult following.

 

So really, Susan's complaint was neutralized before it had left her throat. It still had to be made, though - a knee-jerk reaction. She was used to her friends having less money than she had, and while she never made a scene about it or rubbed it in anyone’s face, she was uncomfortably  _ aware  _ of it.

 

"Well..." She sighed. Fidgeted in her coat. And nodded. "I suppose this will be an experience."

 

"Relax. Lorna's awesome. I got my first corset here a few years ago, and she's been my go-to ever since."

 

"Hm. I've never been fitted for lingerie. Too... touchy-feely most of the time." Susan crossed her arms briefly, as Ash pulled the door open. 

 

"Yeah, well, you won't have to worry about that too much. A couple loops of the measuring tape and you'll be okay."

 

"If you say so..." She stopped short after crossing the threshold, and the door shut behind her without so much as a beep of an entry chime. The boutique smelled wonderful. The warm scent of leather and oil and something else that she couldn't put her finger on permeated the room. It was oddly peaceful. Susan looked around slowly, letting herself just take in the whole array of everything. Dressmaker's dummies had been set up every few feet to display both samples of work and finished products waiting for pickup. And - yes, about half of it was leather, but there was just as much that was satin or other, softer wares. Some looked like it was clearly lingerie, some was more costumey and made to be worn as a (somewhat risque) top layer... and then she stopped short again as she got to the row of dummies closest to the counter. It was no longer corsetry. There were full leather dresses (!), longcoats, and - egads - four leather harnesses, the purpose of them fairly clear. Susan's cheeks burned.

 

"...what?"

 

"I was - er - I mean, I didn't expect-" She gestured to the bondage paraphernalia. Ashley blinked, looked over her shoulder, and snickered.

 

"Come on, really? They're a leatherworking shop. That kind of thing is bound to show up here now and again."

 

"Okay, granted, but-"

 

"Really working that referral bonus, aren't we, kiddo?" The voice that came out of the back room was sandpapery and deeply affectionate. Susan turned, expecting to see a weathered older woman; she was a little surprised that the gravelly tones came from someone perhaps ten years her senior, bottom heavy and short, with an outrageous shock of neon green hair.

 

"Hey, Lorna. Yeah, I decided that Susan reeeeeally needed her own corset for her birthday."

 

"Oh. Well, happy bidet." It was hard to say if she was deliberately mispronouncing "b-day" or if she was making another, more obtuse joke. "You know what you're looking for? If you're into that kinda stuff, I can work some D-rings into-"

 

"No!" Susan blurted. She really shouldn’t have reacted so strongly. This was Lorna’s livelihood, and she didn’t want to kinkshame in the off chance she was into it as well. It had just come out before she could think. "I - I mean, no, I - just something basic and comfortable." Lorna squinted up at her a second, then nodded. It had felt oddly as if she was sizing Susan up.

 

"All right,” Lorna said. “C'mon back to the changing room. I can take your measurements there. You can hang your jacket and top on the rack to your left-"

 

"Top?" Susan interjected.

 

"...I need to take measurements for you, not you-plus-a-shirt." Lorna’s expression was still level, calm. Susan's blush deepened. She turned to Ashley.

 

"You were topless when you got your measurements done?"

 

"Uh... well, yeah-"

 

"Ash went fully naked, actually." And now it was Lorna’s turn to interrupt, still perfectly casual and matter of fact about it.

 

"Loooorna~" Ashley whined. Susan was positive she was about to pass out, and yet her consciousness did not fail her. Now  _ that _ was a mental image.

 

"Naked. Ah. Yes. And - the reason behind that was-"

 

"I don't get a lot of prime naked time at home, and Lorna doesn't judge?" Ashley shrugged haplessly.

 

"...ah." Was there anything Susan could add to that? Not really. No. 

 

"I've had weirder excuses." The green haired woman smiled broadly, leading Susan back and behind a curtain. The fitting room was just as cozy as the front of the shop, though a little more cluttered. A few half-finished products were laying about, as well as a workbench with tools that Susan could only guess at the use of. She did as she was directed, hanging her jacket up, and then - with some hesitation - her top and bra. Ashley was still outside - she could see her silhouette through the translucent Indian-patterned curtain. Susan cleared her throat as she hopped up on a small raised platform. 

 

"So." She spoke up, clearly talking out towards Ashley. "The BDSM gear didn't scare you off when you were a mere... what, Junior? Sophomore?"

 

"PFFFT." The loud sputtering was not what Susan expected to hear. "Susan, I'm an anime geek!"

 

"...and?"

 

"And thanks to that, I've known what a dominatrix was since I was in junior high? Though I'll admit I thought it was all just kind of funny until like a year, year and a half ago."

 

"...ah. I should have considered your entertainment choices." Lorna raised Susan's arms, and up came a measuring tape. Loop. Loop. Loop. Three measurements made in swift succession. There was contact with her skin and Lorna’s hand, but she barely had time to register it. Lorna then darted over and jotted them down in a stubby, squat notebook. "I suppose that does make sense."

 

"Mhm. So where'd you learn about it?"

 

"Uh - just overhearing people in school, I think. It still doesn't make that much sense to me." A moment passed.

 

"It really gets a bad rep, you know?" Ashley's voice sounded just a hair more distant. 

 

"How do you mean?"

 

"I mean when it's used in cop shows, they use it to say 'oh this person was depraved, they were into  _ bondage _ ', or they use it as shorthand for an abusive relationship, and - it's really not anything like that if it's done right. It's just - it's all about communication. The community's all set up around three pillars - safe, sane, and consensual, you know?"

 

"I didn't, but - please, carry on." It was distracting her from the more tangible feeling of Lorna's thumbs on her back, holding the measuring tape along her spine, making a more careful measurement. 

 

"Well - basically, you have to have full consent to do anything within a… a set of things you’ve agreed on, and either party can withdraw that consent at any time, right? Plus you need to keep things safe and rational. That's - yeah, it kind of explains itself." She didn't need to see Ashley to know she was scratching at the back of her head. "...really, it's all about creating a situation that both sides are happy with, you know? And... it's kind of awesome when you really get into it."

 

"Uh - uh huh." A chill ran up Susan's spine as Lorna checked right above her hips. 

 

"I mean, there's - like this euphoria that hits you when you go deep enough. I've heard it called 'subspace'?”

 

“I think I know enough about subspace after a combined twenty-eight seasons of Star Trek.” Susan quipped, though it didn’t seem Ashley had quite heard her. 

 

“It's - just wow. Nothing EXISTS but that moment, and how much you want to please, and how much you want more..."

 

"Wait, what? You're telling me that BDSM is an inherently psychedelic experience?" She’d heard stories about  _ yoga  _ causing euphoria after a particularly intense session, but had discarded those as nonsensical. 

 

"Well - I mean, it  _ can _ be."

 

"And who have you had dominate you to THAT degree?" For a moment she could picture Elliot, cold and impassive, running a riding crop down the small of Ashley’s back as she whimpered - and then she shook it off. Nope. Not the Elliot she knew. It just - it didn’t follow.

 

"Er -" Ashley coughed. "Well, I haven't experienced it personally. I-" She paused. "-I mean, I've talked about it with someone I know who IS into it pretty seriously, and I've heard a lot of stories, just - you know. Not that far into things?"

 

"I'm... a little surprised you're into  _ things _ at all, but-" Susan was cut off as Lorna cleared her throat, hanging up the measuring tape.

 

"We've got you. You wanna pick out fabric, or trust the tailor to find something that suits you?"

 

"...I... think I'd like to pick? I'm kind of curious as to what you've got concealed around here." Susan threw her shirt on rapidly - and tucked her bra in her pocket as an afterthought. Not like Lorna would care. 

 

"Alright. C'mon, let's go through some samples." And out into the front they went.

 

\---    
After being inside the warm shop, the air outside seemed especially biting. Susan took a step out into the cold and closed her eyes. She let her body relax, let the chill flow into her, and let herself adapt. Ashley grinned at her, nudging her side. 

 

“So what did you think?”

 

“About which part?” Susan shrugged. “The fitting was… a little intrusive, but not bad. Lorna seems nice. I’m sure the corset will be of good quality.” 

 

“I just meant the whole… general experience.” Ashley waved an arm back at the shop, where Lorna was puttering around, getting fabric set aside for the commission before closing up the storefront for the night.

 

“Far less embarrassing than I thought it’d be? I had fun… and the discussion was  _ audacious  _ enough that I didn’t have to think too much about being half naked in front of someone I didn’t know. So… thank you again for that. And for the corset.”

 

“Hey, no problem. If anything, the gift is  _ kind  _ of a selfish one.” 

 

“The referral bonus she was talking about?” Susan smirked. “So you’ll get a little kickback. You’re the one paying for it in the first place.”

 

“No. Well - yeah, there’s that, but mostly I was just thinking that it’s selfish because if I get you a corset, I get to see you in a corset.” It was almost impossible to tell if she was joking. Susan’s cheeks were already flushed from the cold - she cleared her throat. 

 

“I suppose I should be prepared to give you a show when it comes in?”

 

“At least a little spin-in-place.” Ashley folded her arms behind her, pausing to look up at the snowflakes, drifting down in lazy clouds before they melted immediately on impact with the asphalt. 

 

“Hmm. That seems doable.” Susan pretended to mull it over, hand on her chin, squinting slightly. “Though we’re cutting it off at the corset. I’m not going to try on any of the more… exotic options they offer here.”

 

“Aww, no full-body bondage harness?” Ashley held back a snicker, developing a full-on shit eating grin. 

 

“Toasters will fly first.”

 

“Well, if you change your mind, or if you just wanna try to get to subspace sometime… I’m sure I can help out a little.” She clicked her tongue, and Susan’s mind briefly blanked out. 

 

“Hmm. You and Elliot?”

 

“Well, yeah, that’s kinda implied.” How could she say that in such a matter of fact way? Susan tried to wrap her mind around the implications, and failed. Utterly. 

 

“...maybe. I’ll let you know.” Susan popped the car door open and slid into the driver’s seat, and Ashley hopped in the other side. “In the meantime, where are we meeting the others again?”

 

“Uh-” Ashley pulled her phone out. “Looks like they agreed on T.T.I. Thursdays?” 

 

“Norwegian fusion food. Lovely.” The car revved, and she turned out on the main drag. “We can agree to keep where we were… under our proverbial hats for the dinner, right?”

 

“I don’t want to cause spontaneous nosebleeds.” Ashley nodded.

 

“Good. Good.” Susan grew quieter as they rolled down the street. Ashley and Elliot helping her.  _ Helping  _ her. Was that a serious offer? It felt like it. Elliot. She knew how she felt about him. And Ashley was - huh. 

 

_ Huh. _

 

There was… nothing in that offer she could dislike. And while she was trying not to think about it too hard, because her brain overheated when she did, just… just maybe it was an option. Maybe it was actually possible.

 

Though she had to figure out what she was in for before she said yes.   
\--

She slammed the laptop shut, eyes squinting closed. It was not a great idea. Now she couldn’t reopen the laptop without seeing the video again, and if she kept her eyes closed, she’d still be able to hear it (perhaps not that bad) and would have to randomly click until it closed. ALT+F4? Yes. Wisest strategy. She turned her head away, squinting, and - guh, yes. Yes, she could still hear the noises - her fingers found the keyboard, and -    
  
There it went. 

 

So. Lesson learned. Just because a video contained a few elements of BDSM that you were interested in didn’t mean it didn’t also contain some really… really _weird shit._ Susan shook her head rapidly, and reopened Firefox, swapping over to an incognito tab.    
  
So far she had gained a few valuable chunks of knowledge. She’d seen how aftercare was vital, how it was often more intimate than the actual play was, and how easy it was to break character and get  _ goofy  _ when you were applying lotion and making sure everyone was hydrated and in a good mental space. She’d seen bondage of various sorts, and how easily it could be used to  _ tease  _ and  _ hold back  _ instead of simply being used as a tool to keep a masochist from squirming - it was as Ashley had insinuated, there were definitely a few stereotypes in her head from cop dramas. Susan definitely had to admit that she liked the idea of sensory deprivation and edging - though at the same time she didn’t like the idea of sweating inside a thick, heavy latex suit. 

 

She’d also discovered that the big-studio BDSM videos were almost invariably bad. Really bad. The good stuff that she’d found was either being produced by smaller studios that  _ primarily  _ did BDSM content, or amateurs that were clearly just having  _ fun.  _   
  
Susan stopped before clicking the next link and listened. Her mother was likely across the house, a story or two down. The odds of her  _ hearing  _ Susan were slim to none. She was wearing headphones, and the pathetic amount of sound that leaked out of them wasn’t even enough to be heard through the door. Still, paranoia had to creep in a time or two. She made sure an innocuous video was open in another tab before continuing. Tickle torture this time - a bound sub, squirming under his master’s fingertips. He wasn’t going for the proverbial kill - he was dragging it out. Keeping things  _ juuust  _ on the verge of being squirmworthy. The sub was grinning and  _ writhing  _ but was trying to hold back, just letting an occasional squeaky giggle out from time to time - honestly, if not for the handcuffs, a body could be forgiven for thinking that the video was entirely innocent and asexu-aaaaand there went the pants. Susan leaned on one arm, propping a finger against her cheek. Definitely intriguing, but that was something for further down the line -  _ touch  _ was tricky for her.  _ Tickling  _ would surely be upping the ante too early. Although… it could explain quite a bit about Sarah and Grace’s occasional tickle-assaults on Tedd. Hmmm.   
  
She was starting to think that she’d need some outside help, though. There was only so much that she could learn from videos… okay, no, scratch that. She could learn  _ everything  _ from videos if she could find the right ones, but sometimes you just needed a living person to bounce things off of.    
\--   
  


“You got my name from the Facespace group?” The clerk, one Carlita, leaned on the counter. The adult novelty store was clean, well lit, and smelled faintly of Lysol - something that Susan was quite happy with. The scent was a familiar touchstone for her, and helped steel her resolve in an odd way. 

 

“I did.” 

 

“I didn’t notice any ‘Susan’ in the group lately.” She wasn’t accusing, just curious.

 

“I haven’t joined. I’m curious about the activity, but not really interested in the ‘scene’ per se.” Susan let her gaze wander over the little jars on the counter - some filled with condoms, some with little silicone rings, some with packets of lubricant or ‘freshener powder’ (whatever that was). 

 

“Fair. Plus, you’re - what, still in high school?”  Carlita gestured vaguely with one hand. 

 

“Freshman in college. Close enough.”

 

“I just meant you probably don’t want your Facespace buddies to see that linked to your profile.”

 

“Ah. Yes.” Susan cleared her throat. “Honestly I don’t expect it to come up, but I would like to avoid questions from certain parties.”

 

“Fair enough. So did you just come to get some equipment? We got a new shipment of spreader bars in - the same brand they use on  _ Cutthroat Kitchen. _ ” Carlita’s eyebrows waggled.

 

“No, I mostly was hoping for some advice from someone who’s been involved in various  _ activities  _ within the spectrum of - wait,  _ Cutthroat Kitchen?  _ Really?” Susan’s train of thought derailed with an almost audible crash.

 

“Yeah. They even use it in their advertising now.” 

 

“I… am now quite sure I’m missing something by not watching that show.” The corners of Susan’s mouth turned up almost imperceptibly. 

 

“Probably. But you were looking for advice?” Carlita straightened up a little.

 

“Ideally.”

 

“You’re going into your first time domming?”

 

“Subbing. Actually.” Susan cleared her throat. Carlita tried not to look surprised, and brassed it off well enough that Susan barely noticed. 

 

“Okay - so does your  _ dom  _ have experience?” 

 

“I… gather that they do.” Susan shrugged. 

 

“Okay, just so we’re clear here - gender neutral ‘they’ or plural ‘they’?”

 

“Oh. Plural.” Susan said, shifting her weight a little. “A couple that I’m friends with. I haven’t actually… asked yet, but it’s been implied that they’d be willing to take me on.” Carlita took a few seconds to process before continuing. 

 

“So you’re not romantic.”

 

“No. Just friends with potential benefits.” Susan stressed the word  _ potential  _ the slightest bit. 

 

“That’s probably for the best.” Susan’s surprise couldn’t be muted this time, eyes widening. Carlita either didn’t notice, or didn’t feel like commenting, but she did elaborate. “This stuff isn’t for everyone. I’m guessing based on your  _ relative  _ comfort talking about things that you’ve at least done some research.”

 

“I have, yes.”

 

“And you trust your would-be partners.”

 

“Implicitly.” She and Elliot had been in life or death situations together. Of course she trusted him. And Ashley… well, Elliot trusted her, and she trusted his judgement. She’d certainly proven worthy of the trust so far. 

 

“Awesome. So if things go weird, or too personal, you trust them to work through the issues you’re having.” Somehow, the word choice felt a little too dead-on -  _ working through issues - _ but Susan chalked it up to coincidence. 

 

“Yes.”

 

“Aaaand if you don’t click in the bedroom, you think you can break things off without breaking any hearts?” Carlita folded her hands together. 

 

“I - yes. I’m sure we could.” She’d heard all about the breakup with Sarah. Elliot didn’t really  _ do  _ drama. 

 

“Well. Fuck, sounds like you’ve got the basics in the bag already.” She smirked. “Just be sure to communicate, don’t feel weird about using your safeword if you gotta, and go slow for your first few sessions.” 

 

“You make it sound so simple.” Susan wasn’t complaining. If anything, she felt encouraged. 

 

“It’s as complicated as people make it. Interpersonally.” Carlita leaned in. “Now the fine details? Safety, caution with rope bondage, medical issues? That can get tricky…” She beckoned Susan with a wave of a hand, heading down an aisle. “C’mon. Let me show you our basic emergency kit.” Fine details. Susan could deal with fine details. If they were really interested, and if they all, as Carlita said, ‘clicked’, then perhaps… perhaps…

 

Some... _ objects _ ...in a display case they passed by caught her eye. “Is - is that just for novelty purposes?”

 

“The Bad Dragon toys? Nah. And that’s a  _ medium. _ ” 

 

“That’s... kind of terrifying.” Compared to that mental image, talking to Elliot and Ashley was going to be a cakewalk. “So what about subspace?”

 

“The warp factor five kind or the mental state?” Carlita smirked.

 

“ _ Star Trek  _ jokes are required when someone brings it up for the first time in a conversation, aren’t they?”

 

“Every single damn time I’ve had it brought up, yeah.”

 

“Nice.” Susan was genuinely smiling now. Carlita paused at the end of an aisle and lifted up something the size of a folding fishing tackle box.

 

“Since I’ve gotten started, I’ve experienced it  _ maybe  _ once. There’s a girl in the group who gets there twice a week. It’s… if you’re looking for that, I can’t guarantee you’ll get there. I can’t even tell you what would make a body more or less susceptible to it.”

 

“Okay. Okay, cool. Noted -  _ this  _ is the  _ basic  _ emergency kit?!” 

 

“Yeah.” Carlita grinned. “No built in defibrillator.” 

 

“...that doesn’t exist.”

 

“Nope. But this does have everything you reasonably need for a medical emergency of damn near any stripe, not just the obvious ones. Hell, it comes with  _ glucose tablets  _ if someone has a diabetic issue.” 

 

“That is… impressively comprehensive.”

 

“It pays to be prepared.”

 

Preparation. Forethought. This was her wheelhouse. Maybe this  _was_ doable.


	2. Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An episode of the Review Show goes off without a hitch, and the trio has an interesting discussion afterwards.

After clicking 'play', the scene unfolded without use of a title card. Elliot looked uneasy, and possibly a little nauseous. Susan looked pensive. He spoke first.

 

"Don't... watch  _ 50 Shades of Grey _ ."

 

"Just don't," Susan echoed, rubbing her temples. 

 

"I normally wait before I drop my opinion, but... just... GAH." He threw his hands up, flopping back against the couch.

 

"There isn't anything redeeming about the series. The books or the movies."

 

"You—you’ve  _ read _ the books?" Elliot looked stricken.

 

" _ And  _ the  _ Twilight _ fanfiction that was the origin of the whole thing. I wanted to be prepared for the horrors that awaited me in the film."

 

"Are you that much of a masochist?"

 

"No. Not that masochism in itself is a bad thing, but I just had to make sure that it wasn't a 'this got lost in translation' thing." Ashley appeared, stage right, in a fairly cute corset-and-fishnet top and skirt. She briefly waved at the camera, then turned to do  something offscreen, only her back visible. "The whole film series seems to think that BDSM relationships are the natural outgrowth of an abusive childhood—which they aren't—and that they should contain physical and emotional abuse regularly—which they shouldn't."

 

"Yeah. I mean, it should go without saying that if you're saying 'hey she's getting raped, but it's okay because of  _ this bullshit _ ', it's not okay." Elliot genuinely sounded angry about that. Susan nodded.

 

"There's nothing romantic about the story. It's a tale of a stalker asserting abusive, terrifying levels of personal control over an emotionally compromised woman. It takes everything that was creepy in  _ Twilight _ and ramps it up to genuinely horrifying levels." Ashley returned to the screen, holding a silk rope, and started to tie Susan's wrists. Susan did not move away or otherwise acknowledge Ashley’s actions. 

 

"I had to walk out of the room five or six times during the movie-"

 

"Nine. I counted," Susan interrupted briefly.

 

"Right. And I didn't watch more than the first ten minutes of the third one."

 

"It doesn't get better, for the record." Susan rolled her eyes. “No great last minute turnarounds.”

 

"So - please, for the love of all that's right in this world, don't read it, and don't watch it. Friends don’t let friends watch  _ Fifty Shades _ .” Elliot lapsed briefly into a tone vaguely reminiscent of an old PSA commercial. 

 

"Mhm. Now, if you DO want to watch a decent movie about BDSM, there are a few good films out there to pick from.” Susan took on a brighter tone - or at least one that sounded slightly less like she was regretting all her life’s choices. “The one the kink community goes to as a starting point is usually  _ Secretary _ . It's kinky, funny, and the characters are kind of screwed up, but it's presented in a realistic, 'they're people that have issues' way, not an abusive and terrifying way."

 

"I didn't get a lot of belly laughs out of it, but I snickered a lot. And... okay, yeah, it's hot."

 

"It also does 'Safe Sane and Consensual' well. The three cornerstones of anything related to BDSM." From her wrists, Ashley had continued along Susan's body, making a crisscrossing harness of the rope. She ducked down, working on her legs, only her head in frame now. "And - really, aside from the fact that it glorifies what is - I know I’m emphasizing this quite hard, but it bears emphasizing - literally rape, that's what pissed me off the most about  _ Fifty Shades _ . BDSM, when done right, is all about something that's enjoyable for everyone involved  _ with a minimum of risk _ , and with constant communication." Ashley rose again, clambering on top of the couch, fiddling with something well off the frame. 

 

“Yeah, communication would be  _ great… _ ” Ashley muttered, her tone quiet, but still clearly audible to the camera.

 

"Yeah. And if you're looking for a movie that shows that kind of stuff off - especially the aftercare part, which I wasn't even aware was a THING-"

 

"Cuddling and emotional comfort after a BDSM 'scene', for the newbies out there.  _ Very _ important," Susan interrupted briefly.

 

"-then I'd check out  _ The Submission of Anastasia _ . It was literally shot as a giant 'take that' to  _ 50 Shades _ , and the whole thing just takes the same premise, and changes the characters to be functional, not-horrible adults." Elliot shrugged.

 

"It's much sweeter and more realistic... and it's also technically a porn flick. Fair warning." A slight blush dusted Susan’s cheeks at that comment. 

 

"Granted, all these probably meet the criteria for 'porn' if you ask most people."

 

"Honestly, though-" Ashley jumped down, connecting a rope at Susan's back, and started to hoist - evidently she'd set up some kind of pulley. "-there aren't a lot of good movies that  _ focus  _ on the topic in any kind of level-headed and realistic way. Until someone makes a good adaptation of  _ Sunstone _ , you're probably better off with reading."

 

"Or hands on experience," Elliot quipped, dryly, staring at Susan as she was suspended above the couch.

 

"Assuming you can find someone willing to experiment, sure." Ashley strode out in front of Susan. In one hand, she held a feather duster. In the other, a container of Nickelodeon Gak. 

 

"The safe word is 'Smithee'," she chirped.

 

"...Rock on," Susan intoned, her voice utterly deadpan. Elliot cleared his throat.

 

"She's Susan, I'm Elliot, this is the Review Show-"

 

"-Which we will come up with a proper title for eventually." 

 

"-and we'll, uh..." Elliot squinted at the ceiling. "What are you hanging from, anyway?!" 

\--

  
  


"I think that was pretty good." Elliot fiddled with the camera, turning the recording off. Ashley had plopped down next to Susan, still suspended from the ceiling, and was making herself comfortable. "So, uh - I guess that means you'll be letting Susan down? I can't think of any stingers to record."

 

"I can't either. The only thing that would come to mind would be actually using the Gak somehow, and I can't even start to think of how to use that in a BDSM scene." Ashley hefted the little green container of goop. Susan would almost - almost - be tempted to ask her not to  _ even consider  _ it - but it was still sealed. And, she had to remind herself, it was just food starch and moisturizer ingredients, mostly. As long as it hadn’t been put somewhere it could pick up  _ less pleasant things.  _

 

"Soooo... let’s get this thing untied?" Elliot glanced up at Susan - only for Ashley to interject before Susan could reply.

 

"I'll get her down in a minute. She made me promise to leave her up." Elliot's eyebrows shot up high. Susan's blush, which still hadn’t faded from the latter part of the review show, only grew darker. Of course she had to make her  _ promise.  _ Had to anticipate her own cowardice at this point.

 

"I don't suppose you can ignore that," Susan said. Ashley shook her head.

 

"You said you had something you needed to get off your chest, and until it gets off, I'm leaving you there." Ashley smiled sweetly. Susan glanced away.

 

"...You can get blood clots if you're in rope bondage too long, can't you?"

 

"I don't think it'll take you that long to deburden yourself, will it?" Ashley's head tilted to the side, and - dammit, why did she have to be that cute when she said it, and Elliot was just standing there patiently, and-

 

"I don't want to come between you two. You're happy with each other, and you... you complement each other well."

 

"I don't think you've even _ started _ to come between us." Elliot frowned, arms crossing. "I mean, we spend a lot of time together, sure, but-"

 

"I'm prefacing." Susan broke in, a slight croak to her voice. She was starting to slowly turn in place, but was only a little bit off center. Best to do this before she was craning her head around dramatically. She cleared her throat. Right.  _ Yes. _ She could do this. "I don't want to come between you, but I want to... be between you. With you." And now Ashley's face was reddening, and Elliot's was blank, unreadable, eyes huge. "Elliot - I think we have amazing chemistry, and I... I like you. I've had feelings for you for some time, but I didn't want to say anything while I've been sorting my head out. I'm still... sorting my head out, mind you, but I'm-" She stopped short and swallowed. "I'm comfortable enough to say this much.  _ Emotionally...  _ comfortable.” She wiggled a little in place. 

 

"Okay. Okay." Elliot coughed, still looking blown away by the sudden confession, and like he was trying (and failing) to seem like he wasn’t. "Keep going?"

 

"Ashley... I like you too. Ever since we've met, there's been a sort of... not tension, but an... understanding, I want to say? We ‘click’ nicely - to use a term that’s been hanging in the back of my mind for the last few days - and there seems to be an attraction. I know there is on my end, and - and then you made that offer. A few weeks ago. In the - the parking lot." Susan cleared her throat. It was probably for the best that she could barely move, tied as she was - she didn't want to go into her 'roly-poly' mode at the moment, and she most certainly would be stuck there if she wasn't suspended. 

 

"Offer...?" Elliot prompted. Ashley's fingers tented. 

 

"We..." She stretched out the 'e' like a piece of taffy, pulling until it finally snapped and she was forced to keep going. "Kind of got on the topic of BDSM thanks to all the harnesses and stuff at Miss Demeanor—"

 

"You mentioned that." Elliot nodded.

 

"—and I might have suggested I could help if she wanted to dive in. I - I meant by like - offering advice!" She followed up her confession a little too quickly. Elliot's ears were already as red as his cheeks; he seemed speechless. 

 

Susan interjected quickly - she wasn’t sure at that point if she was trying to save face, or just rambling to keep herself from collapsing inwardly. "And... that makes sense now, and if I'm overreaching, please tell me. But I'm friends with three people who are in the most loving, stable polyamorous triad imaginable, and... and I don't know if that's skewing my perception of things, or if you'd be willing to take me on as a partner some of the time - even if it's just for play - or -" The sound was not nearly as dramatic as certain parties would have hoped for, not a loud CRACK but a barely audible PING, as the pulley holding Susan aloft broke. She yelped, briefly  in freefall, which was immediately broken as her knees hit the couch; she bounced off and ended up on her side, on the carpet. A beat passed, before Elliot let out a strangled snort. Susan snickered. Ashley giggled. And at the sheer absurdity of it, and - most likely relief from what they'd been discussing - all three broke out laughing. 

 

"Let- let me-" Ashley dissolved into giggles again, already working on getting the rope untied.     
  
“Seriously, are you okay?” Elliot was still laughing - she hadn’t hit anything more than her knees, and the couch had broken the fall pretty neatly, but-

 

"Thanks..." Susan groaned. She was fighting the urge to pop up and take a shower now, but that wasn't especially bad. "I’m fine. Really. Urgh… so, that's - I suppose that's something you haven't tried before today? The, ah, suspension?"

 

"Are you kidding?" Elliot shook his head. "We've played at dom-and-sub stuff, but bondage is a little out of our wheelhouse." Susan arched an eyebrow. Ashley shrugged sheepishly. 

 

"You never DID ask us anything  _ specific _ about what we did. When you suggested rope bondage for this episode, I just Google’d it and figured we’d make it look good even if it wasn’t perfect. And you kinda vetoed a practice run.”

 

"True. I… don’t think I could have done this twice in an afternoon. Yet.” Susan stood and stretched out as her wrists were freed, stepping out of the now-loose rope. She sat down; Ashley perched on the arm of the couch next to her, and Elliot - after a moment's hesitation - took a seat next to Susan.. Susan wasn't sore, but she still found herself rubbing at her wrists idly. 

 

"You seriously want to be part of... this. Part of us." Elliot wasn't getting the words out quite clearly, but the intent was there. 

 

"I'd be happy to just be a playmate. If we click, and things become romantic over time, I'd also be happy with that - but only so long as both of you are happy with the arrangement. The second either of you is dissatisfied, we snap it off. Clean break of that part of the relationship, and we remain friends." She doubted it would be that clean if it came to that, Elliot’s previous lack of drama aside, but she didn't want to jinx it by saying so. 

 

"...what do you think?" Ashley air-nudged at Elliot. Elliot frowned. 

 

"If I went with my gut and my pants, I'd say 'yes' right now. I... think we'd better give this one some air, talk it over, and then come to a decision?" 

 

Ashley smiled a little wider. “I think that’s a wonderful idea.”

 

"All right." Susan nodded her assent. "That is... honestly much better than I expected your reaction to be."

 

"You thought I'd say no?" Elliot's lack of a poker face shone through one again, shock registering fully on his face. 

 

"I thought you'd get stunned and confused and wander off, mumbling to yourself.” The pause after that particular sentence was, to an outside observer, almost imperceptible. As Suan forced herself to meet Elliot’s gaze, steeling her nerve, it felt like a lesser eternity. She had to say it, though. Had to make sure there was no room for wacky sitcom style misunderstandings.. “I'm offering to submit to yourself and your girlfriend, in search of an ecstatic altered state, with no strings attached beyond 'we remain friends no matter how things go.' Obviously, you're hallucinating." And that was clearly a more typical level of snark slipping into Susan's voice. Elliot's smile returned, and he shook his head a little.

 

"Altered -" Elliot started, before the realization hit him. “You want us to put you in  _ subspace? _ ”

 

“That… is at least part of the appeal, yes. The idea of being in a mental state where anxiety and obsession don’t register, and one’s only thought is a blissful haze of obedience? It’s the kind of thing that I would never seek as an everyday occurrence, but -” Susan shuddered. “I can’t tell you how much  _ any  _ break from my brain would appeal in the short term.”

 

“It’s not an easy thing to do.” Ashley scratched at the back of her head. “Elliot’s never gotten there.”

 

“And some people can’t get there.” Susan shrugged. “I’ve talked to someone with more experience… it didn’t do much to dissuade me. Even if it takes time for us to get in sync, even if it’s awkward, even if - even if it never works, I still want to  _ try. _ In the worst case scenario we end up with an in joke we agree never to tell anyone about, right?” The ‘worst case’ could, in truth, get much bleaker, but they’d be careful. They’d take precautions. They wouldn’t fuck things up that badly. She was sure of it. Elliot reached over and squeezed Ashley’s hand. Ashley nodded.

 

“We’ve definitely got a lot to talk about.” He grinned sheepishly. “We’ll get some space, come back, let you know…” 

 

"Soon?" Ashley put in. No hard deadline. That was for the best. No rushing things. Elliot considered it a second.

 

"Soon." He echoed. A few seconds passed. "So... we're, uh... we're done with the review, we've... got a whole lot of personal stuff out in the open... what do we feel like doing now?"

 

"I don't know about you, but I could absolutely murder a curry." Susan was on her feet already.  


	3. Consternation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An attempt is made.

A week passed. When it happened, the texts came in rapid succession.

 

IJustWannaFly-> are you still interested in taking up ashley on her offer?

_ TrillHitchhiker -> Yes. _

_ TrillHitchhiker -> Hell yes. _

_ TrillHitchhiker -> Very yes. _

IJustWannaFly -> cool!

IJustWannaFly -> so her folks are going to be out overnight next weekend

IJustWannaFly -> we figured that would be a good enough time??

_ TrillHitchhiker -> No major papers to turn in, and I'm sure I can convince Mother I'm doing something appropriately benign. Sure.  _

_ TrillHitchhiker-> Her house? _

IJustWannaFly -> ideally yeah

IJustWannaFly -> probably in the living room

IJustWannaFly -> two is comfy in her room but three would be a little bit of a squeeze?

_ TrillHitchhiker -> I'm down. What do I need to do? _

IJustWannaFly -> show up ready to play

IJustWannaFly -> we can work out the particulars when you get there i guess?

_ TrillHitchhiker -> Feel things out the first time? _

IJustWannaFly -> yeah!

_ TrillHitchhiker -> All right.  _

IJustWannaFly -> i guess the first time should be pretty mild right?

_ TrillHitchhiker -> Yes. Please. _

IJustWannaFly -> cool! i think i have a few ideas?

IJustWannaFly -> i know ashley does

_ TrillHitchhiker -> Let's not waste further texts, then. I leave myself in your capable hands. _

 

\--

  
  


It smelled pleasantly of sandalwood. Susan wasn't sure what it would be like, and she certainly didn't think that would be the first thing she'd focus on, but the smell of incense burning was rather nice. She also couldn't place the music - some experimental abstract group, it sounded like. The time signature was impossible to pin down, though the effect was floaty and surreal rather than jarring and harsh. Odd. Any other time she would think that would help to calm her down. At the moment, it did not. The fine hairs on the back of her neck were standing on end - as they had been since she left her house.    
  
And then there was Elliot. He beckoned her in silently. She followed. Silk shirts looked good on him - she had half been expecting him to be naked already. He'd said he'd be playing with Ash before she arrived, after all.   
  
When they reached the living room, Susan's blush ratcheted up another notch. Ashley was in a silk bathrobe, CLEARLY wearing an FV5 form, and she didn’t appear to be wearing anything beneath it. Meanwhile, Susan was overly aware of what she was wearing beneath... and... and shit. She was doing this, wasn't she?   
  
"Do you still want to do this?" Elliott asked. There were days when she was convinced Elliot could read her mind. She nodded.    
  
"I'm - I think I'm ready. Yes."   
  
"Okay. Uh - Safeword is-"   
  
"Red." Ashley interrupted. "Traffic light safewords. If we're worried, we'll call 'check', and-"   
  
"Green means keep going, yellow means slow down or give me a minute, and red is hard stop." Susan nodded. "It's a pretty common system, I gather." Ashley looked almost proud. Elliot just grinned a little.

  
"So... let's start, then?" Susan squeaked - gods above, she  _ squeaked.  _ It sounded forced, though neither of her partners seemed to notice.    
  
"Mmmhmm—" Ashley cooed. She padded around Susan slowly, circling her like a shark about to devour a particularly tasty diver. When she returned to the front, she gestured to Susan's coat. "Off."    
  
"Yes, ma'am."   
  
"Mistress." Ashley corrected, her tone stern. Susan cracked the faintest smile at that. It was just a little (or - okay, a lot) out of place for Ashley’s tone to be so firm. If she didn’t already have goosebumps, though, she would have sprouted some at that moment. Incongruous or not, Ashley being domineering was… yeah, sexy.   
  
"Yes... Mistress." When it slid off her shoulders, it was Elliot's turn to stare. The corset was gorgeous - she couldn't quite get away with wearing it as a top in public, as it showed just the slightest bit too much (curse her puffy, broad areolae), but it was certainly flattering. Snug, but not constricting. In an odd way, it felt... comforting. As many issues as she was fighting with touch, she craved a warm embrace from time to time. The corset’s tightness wasn’t quite a substitute, but it felt distantly akin to it; warm and grounding. The gloves helped with this as well, skin-tight elbow length black fabric. She found her attention redirected by a tap on the hip - when had Ashley gotten a riding crop...?   
  
"The skirt, too."   
  
"Yes - yes, Mistress." Going a little quick, but she couldn't complain about that. They all knew what they were there to do, and Ashley had a case of the enthusiasms. A zip, a tug, and her skirt was gone, falling to the ground behind her, and she swiftly kicked it aside. She had taken  the liberty of taking her shoes off at the door, so now she was standing there in knee-length stockings, black and snug - not sheer and lacy, but still sexy in her opinion - her bikini-cut lace panties, and - well, the aforementioned corset, which was one of the four most ostentatious pieces of clothing she owned (discounting, of course, the ones that she’d been gifted that would never leave the back of her closet…). Elliot looked like his blood was boiling. He licked his lips absentmindedly, eyes wide, face red; at this point he wasn’t even trying to hide his erection. The slacks did precious little to hide the tent. Ashley looked... more than appreciative. Her lack of underwear had been fairly obvious before, but now Susan could see the outline of her nipples as they grew erect, and - perhaps it was her imagination, but her eyes seemed larger. More dilated.    
  
Both approached her at once.

  
Ashley traced a finger across her collarbone, as Elliot caressed her hip. They were teasing her. She knew it. It wasn’t exactly starting slow, but they were starting with minimal contact. One point or two. Her heart raced. The adrenaline was starting now, even though nothing much had happened, in anticipation of everything, and in triumph over the fact that she was ENJOYING being touched. Elliot’s hands withdrew as Ashley’s finger slowly - very slowly - traced up from her shoulder to her neck, and up to-   
  
Blindfold.   
  
As Elliot walked behind her, he wrapped it around her head and tied it quickly. Firmly. She blinked a few times beneath it. It was... too thick, she couldn't even get a speck of light. A quality product, she had to admit; now she couldn't see what they were doing. Only hear. And feel. And one of them was running two fingers down her back, her spine arching subtly in response, the other slowly stroking down her arm. Then nothing. All hands off her. A trace of a draft across her shoulder (was someone moving, or was that from elsewhere in the house, or-), and the reprieve from touch ended with a finger tracing up from her cleavage to beneath her chin, holding it in place, someone staring at her (they had to be) as they kept her there, and it felt as if she should have been twitching but her skin wasn’t responding to the urges of her subconscious and - and taking her wrists and pulling them back, and something was squeezing - squeezing her ankles too now, binding her in place. She tugged. Shackled. Cuffed. The hands were gone again, only the not-music there (wasn't it?) and the pulse in her ears, and - when had her corset gotten so tight? It wasn't supposed to lace tight enough to prevent breathing. Wasn't designed that way. And now there was only one set of hands, and they were at her hips, holding her in place, and squeezing, and SQUEEZING, her skin itching beneath the fingertips, and a bead of sweat was running down her forehead and had they used some kind of skin lotion because there was a trace of something  _ greasy  _ and she could hear someone saying something and it was too HOT and the music made no sense and SHE COULD NOT SEE AND-   
  
"Susan? Susan, breathe!"

  
"RED!" she shrieked, as the panic broke over her completely. She needed out. She needed out now needed loose now, needed - she could feel them working, trying to get her out of the cuffs, and she was still babble-blurting  _ red _ again and again and - 

 

And the blindfold was gone. She could see again. She sucked in a huge breath, gasping, looking down at herself, sinking down to her knees. Elliot and Ashley were both there, both looking terrified. It was just them. It was just her. She - she still felt like she couldn't breathe. Elliot squatted down next to her and extended a hand towards her back. Hovered. She shook her head emphatically. He retracted it, but did not move further away.. Susan's chest heaved as she forced herself to suck in breath after breath, as she steadied herself. She crossed her arms.. She rocked back and forth a few long seconds, hugging herself, and then nodded at Elliot.   
  
"...you coming back to us?" Elliot murmured.   
  
"In a second. I'm - I'm getting there." She was suddenly painfully aware that she'd actually been crying. That she still was. Ashley reached out a tentative hand to touch her, her eyes silently asking,  _ is this okay?  _ . Susan hesitated a moment, considering, then she nodded to each of them. Suddenly she was sandwiched in a hug between the two of them. Warmth. Good warmth.  _ Fuck.  _ "I'm - god. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I - that was stupid, it-"

  
"It's not stupid. Shh."   
  
"It IS stupid. You just - you j-"   
  
"We crossed a line. It's not a line you knew was there, but a line was crossed." Elliot's arms felt so firm around her. So warm. And Ashley was so soft next to her, and she just... melted into them, tucking her face into the crook formed where both their shoulders met, and let the lingering remnants of panic pass over her, like the last specks of rain off a windshield.     
  
She wasn't quite sure how long that took. When anxiety mounted like that, her chronological sense took a break, but when she had herself back under control, they both looked less than comfortable - like they were starting to cramp up in that position. She forced herself back, sitting upright, and both Elliot and Ashley scooted up to her sides.    
  
"So..."   
  
"So I think we did this all wrong." Ashley said. "I mean, making this an event would probably work with some people, but, uh..."   
  
"...but it couldn't have helped the anxiety." Elliot finished. Susan took both of their hands, squeezed, and nodded.   
  
"You're - you're right. I was already nervous when this started. It was, I thought, a good nervous, but... it just built, instead of fading away. ."   
  
"Mhm." Ashley grimaced. "I thought you'd be good with the restraints, but-"   
  
"It wasn't those." They both looked a little surprised. "They didn't help things when the panic attack hit, but it was the blindfold that triggered it."

  
"It - really?" Elliot blurted. "I - I thought you were okay with it. I mean, I got it on, and you seemed-"   
  
"There's no need to get defensive." Ashley nudged his elbow, and he sighed.    
  
"I know, I know." There was something he wasn't saying there; Susan decided not to ask.    
  
"I didn't realize it was too much until after the cuffs went on.. I... I mean, I should have, but... it all just built up after that, when I couldn't see what was going on, and..." She rubbed her wrists. "...and it was all too... intense."   
  
"You're a very visual person with touch issues. Taking the visual away and focusing entirely on touch was just..." Ashley looked for the word. Elliot found it.   
  
"A really... really dumbass move."   
  
"Little bit, yeah." Ashley nodded.    
  
"Mh." Susan took another deep breath. Let it out. And nodded. She still felt a little lingering unease, but she was quashing it down. "Well. Now we know what not to do."   
  
"I'm guessing you, uh, don't want to try again tonight?" Elliot grinned sheepishly. 

 

Susan couldn't hold back a snort. "I think you're right. I - I'm going to need a break before we try anything like this again." But they would try again. One panic attack was not going to deter her.   
  
"...Not-figurative Netflix and Chill, then?" Elliot offered.   
  
"Please."

 


	4. Reevaluation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone read chapter summaries? The chapter is right there, you can just read it. Is there anyone assigning these fics as class work? Is there a student out there that just skims the summaries? 
> 
> If so: Susan and Ashley become cheese salesmen in Nigeria, and Elliot elopes with Tedd.

\---

"I think we have a solution." Elliot looked entirely too happy. Ash was leaning on the back of the sofa, grinning ear to ear. Susan raised an eyebrow, looking from one to the other.

 

"A solution regarding..."

 

"The BDSM... thing. Trying to ease into it?"

 

"Oh. OH." It had been two weeks since the panic attack. She'd certainly been considering it, but - she had been under the impression that today would be nothing but watching a probably-mediocre horror film together and some burgers afterwards. The two glanced at each other, sharing a look of 'she's not gonna believe this' - and Ashley pulled it out from behind her. 

 

A headband.

 

It was not at all what Susan had expected. It was covered in blue-black fuzz, with two large, realistic-looking cat ears on it. She took the accessory, and then looked up at them, not quite understanding.

 

"How do you feel about petplay?" For a moment, Susan got a distant look in her eye as she processed what she was being asked. She tilted her head to one side, still considering the question.

 

"You want me to play your... cat?"

 

"Our kitten." Ashley nodded.

 

"We thought it'd be a good way to get into the dom-sub thing. Low pressure, kinda playful..."

 

"No blindfolds or restraints. And no sex - just petting.," said Ashley. Susan rolled the headband in one hand, thinking it over.

 

“I...  I think this is doable.” It barely felt like BDSM at all. And yet - perhaps that was exactly what she needed. Easing into it. Slowly. “So you’ll be petting me while I wear the ears.”    
  
“Mmmhm.” Elliot rocked back and forth, heel to toe, clearly enthused to the point where standing still was getting harder.    
  
“And what will I be doing, besides ‘being petted’?”   
  
“You’ll be our kitty, of course.” Ashley’s smile twisted a little to one side, in an uncanny impersonation of Han Solo. “Which means anything feline is allowed. Talking isn’t. And bad kitties  _ do _ get punished.”    
  
“Spankings, then?” And now Susan was seeing where the BDSM really came in - but Ashley just  shook her head.    
  
“Nope. Come on. A cat will just roll with a smack and ignore it, or scratch you back.”

 

“Then what-”

 

“Hopefully you won’t have to find out, will you?” Ashley said. 

 

It couldn’t be that bad, could it? Just… watching a movie. While letting a few friends touch her. Nonsexually. Possibly sensually, but there was a lot that could qualify for that heading. She closed her eyes a half a second, and then pulled on the ears. Elliot’s grin was  _ entirely  _ too satisfied for his own good.    
  
“C’mere, girl. Let’s get to the sofa.”   
  
“Ok-” She stopped herself short. Talking, right. “Meow.” That was the least convincing meow she’d ever let out, but it worked. Sort of. She took a step - and then realized that neither Ashley nor Elliot were moving. And Ashley was giving her the stink eye. What - oh. OH. Feline movement on hind legs was not going to fly. She dropped down to all fours, and meowed again. Ashley nodded, and patted her on the head… and she had to crawl to the sofa.    
  
Crawl.    
  
On the floor.    
  
She realized a moment later that Ashley had vacuumed recently - probably disinfected, too, from the smell of it. She’d taken  _ steps  _ to ensure that she’d be comfortable - and that helped quite a bit. She could push back the lingering remnants of the phobia she’d been fighting so well lately - and could make it towards the couch. Just a little behind them, a little slower. She didn’t let herself seem overeager - she was a cat right now, wasn’t she? She had to be a little aloof. When she got to the couch, both Elliot and Ashley had just sat down. She sat there on the ground a moment, perched as if ready to jump - but then thought the better of it, and instead simply padded up onto the sofa between them, curling up, her head up against Elliot’s side. He scruffed her hair gently. She allowed herself a faint smile. 

 

For almost twenty minutes, all was well. However, the movie rapidly grated on her nerves. The tropes in play were hackneyed at best. The actors all looked like someone was holding a gun to their heads and forcing them to say the lines. And when the slasher finally came out, it was more or less a rehash of every Friday the 13th after the third. Teenagers have sex. Monster-man appears. Murder happens in terribly gory ways. At the forty minute mark, she found herself sitting bolt upright, no longer paying attention to Ashley’s hand stroking over her hair (which was, otherwise, entirely too pleasant) as the killer used a guitar string to decapitate a victim.

 

“Oh - oh, come ON! If this was in any way realistic, that would have cut up his hands, too! The way he was holding-” She froze as Ashley reached down the side of the couch, realizing a moment too late that she’d lost the proverbial game. 

 

“Bad kitty. No hissing.” Ashley deadpanned, pulling out - a spray bottle. Oh. Of course it was a spray bottle, that was how you punished - 

 

-cats-

 

Susan winced as she was suddenly sprayed in the face by slightly off-smelling water. There was nothing obvious to the scent - no vinegar or other additives that she could put her finger on - just something vaguely… metallic, maybe? All over her face, her hair - she yelped and leapt down - Ashley and Elliot were still staring at her. Ashley’s face was unreadable, while Elliot was either amused or trying to hold back a squee. Well, she was glad her discomfort was at least  _ cute.  _   
  
“You can come back up when you dry off.” Elliot said, managing to keep his voice level. They were watching her more than the show now. She couldn’t disappoint them. And so as they watched, she pawed at her face, wiping the water off. Then at her hair, trying to gather the stray drips. It was, for the most part, futile - rubbing her face dry worked, but her hair? Nope. That had to just dry in time. Somehow, the motion of rubbing at it did make her feel better - like scratching an itch, but without the caveat that it’d make things worse afterwards. 

 

When she rejoined them, she wasn’t paying attention to the movie either. Just to their hands. Not across skin (not yet) but caressing hair, and occasionally resting on her shoulder over her shirt, and… gentle. Soft. She’d stopped paying attention to the movie entirely. Her whole attention had been on touch and scent after the squirt bottle. It  _ still was,  _ although she was aware of the movie, faintly.

 

Maybe she could get used to this.    
  
\--   
  
“So what’s with the choker, anyway?” Susan froze up as Sarah asked her. For a moment, she thought about fibbing. It was easy to deflect something like that - just idle curiosity, and she could claim she ‘just liked it’. But that would be too easy, wouldn’t it?  And this was something that she’d… not needed, but definitely  _ wanted  _ to bring up with Sarah for weeks.

 

“Why do you ask?” 

 

“You’ve been wearing it every day for almost a month now. I’ve never seen you that attached to an accessory before.” Sarah wasn’t insinuating anything - she couldn’t sense a single speck of an ulterior motive there. Pity. That’d make the next part a little more shocking. 

 

“It’s not a choker. It’s a collar.” Susan focused as she tugged on the bamboo chopsticks, trying to separate them cleanly at the top. Sarah’s expression shifted to mildly bewildered, before she leaned in, as if afraid someone else in the food court would overhear.    
  
“So you guys  _ are  _ doing… stuff?” 

 

“We haven’t had sex, if that’s what you’re asking.”  _ Snap _ . She smiled a little at the cleanly-broken chopsticks, and started in on the bourbon chicken. “We’re playing with light BDSM.”

 

“It’s BDSM, but there’s no sex?” Sarah sounded genuinely confounded, but not disbelieving.    
  
“Pet play, mostly. It’s-”

 

“Oh - OH. Oh, I get that. Okay.” And now it was Susan’s turn to look disbelieving. Less in that she knew, and more in that she was being so open about it - but the moment passed quickly and Susan ended up trying to hide her smile as she connected the dots.

 

“...why am I not surprised that the lab assistant for Catgirl Central Station knows what petplay is?”

 

“I - I haven’t really -” And now Sarah was getting flustered. Susan couldn’t say that she disliked it when that happened, although it was often frustrating trying to get to the meat of a conversation. “I mean catnip has been involved in a few situations, but we haven’t - not  _ us  _ per se-”    
  
“So, Grace and Tedd?”

 

“Well.” Sarah’s train of thought visibly crashed. She choked a little, cleared her throat, and nodded. “I’ve seen some shit, yeah.”

 

“That’s generally reserved for things that cannot be unseen.” A little more rice in this bite. Sarah shrugged in loose agreement. 

 

“Believe me when I say I  _ can’t  _ unsee it. Not sure I’d want to, but…  _ wow. _ ”

 

“You are not doing anything to dissuade me from asking for the dirtier details.” Sarah’s face reddened, and Susan held up a hand. “I’m joking. Mostly.”

 

“Well…” Sarah coughed. “...tell you what. I’ll dish if you dish?”

 

“That seems reasonable.” A moment passed, and the next mouthful of rice and chicken paused midair. “Wait. Do you mean now, or ‘whenever things heat up further?’”    
  
“Both?” 

 

“I don’t really think I have enough to  _ dish  _ on right now. We’ve… goofed around on the couch. I have to act catlike or I get the spray bottle.” That got an audible snort from Sarah, and while she was trying not to grin, it had already spread to her eyes.

 

“You haven’t done - like, anything else?”

 

“No. Well - once, but that ended terribly. Sensory issues after getting blindfolded, I had a full bore panic attack.”

 

“ _ Gnyeesh. _ ” Sarah’s lip curled in awkward sympathy. “Well that sucks. And you - that still didn’t put you off from trying more?”

 

“We… agreed we’d go slow. I still  _ want  _ to try to do more. I’m starting to see the appeal, and how proper sensory focus can pull your attention to the more pleasant things, but I haven’t even gotten  _ close  _ to subspace yet.”

 

“Warp travel?” Sarah’s eyes widened. “Is there some magic stuff I don’t know about here?”

 

“It’s-” Susan suppressed the urge to facepalm. Yes, every time. “It’s an altered, ecstatic state of mind that some submissives can get to.” Her fingers tented in front of her. “One where  _ anxiety doesn’t register at all. _ ”

 

“You’re looking for the ultimate endorphin high.” Sarah translated. It wasn’t really necessary to avoid discussion of Susan’s various neuroses, but at the moment she was glad for the polite dodge. 

 

“That’s… certainly part of it.”

 

“And the rest? I mean, I think I can guess.” 

 

“I like…” Susan stopped herself. Should she be that honest about it? “I like Elliot. I like Ashley. I… like playing with them. I like being a part of their relationship.”

 

“You like being in a relationship with them.” Sarah’s smile widened. For a moment, Susan was about to make a knee-jerk denial. She couldn’t. A finger came up to toy with the D-ring on her collar. They hadn’t insisted on her wearing the collar. She’d decided on that herself. And she’d told them  _ she wanted in,  _ and they hadn’t exactly declined… in any way… so what were they, exactly? Still friends with benefits? More? 

 

It felt like more. 

 

“I do. I’m… not about to run away from something that special to me just because we had one bad experience. And everything since has been…” She took a breath, steadying her nerves. “I rarely  _ directly  _ envy you, barring discussion of your art skill or your hips-”

 

“My  _ what _ now?” Sarah mumbled, one eyebrow cocked. 

 

“-but I can honestly say I’m… envious...  of you and your lovers now. You went in  _ understanding  _ exactly what you are to each other.”

 

“Well. Mostly.” Sarah adjusted herself in her seat. “The fine details of being in a relationship with two people instead of one took a little getting used to.” She took a sip of her lemonade. “Or a lot of getting used to, really.”

 

“Granted. It’s just a matter of labels, you know? It’s something… something to talk to them about.”

 

“Ahh. Well… I mean, you know what I always say on  _ that  _ topic.”

 

“Communicate, communicate, and communicate.” Susan mused, cracking her fortune cookie. And whether it was merely apt coincidence or an evil omen, she had to laugh. There were only two words on the slip of paper inside.    
  
_ Don’t panic.  _


	5. Consummation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cheese trade turns sour, so - what? I'm sorry, my minions are telling me that the terrible chapter summaries are not going to be a running gag. 
> 
> A great victory is achieved.
> 
> This chapter is rather spectacularly NSFW.
> 
> Illustration by Laparoscopic, who is awesome. B)

 

Spring brought storms, which were presently thundering outside, shaking the windows. Susan wasn’t especially concerned. Her mother wasn’t heading home for another two days, so she wouldn’t be on the freeway in that weather. It wasn’t the first time they’d be using her house, but it was the first time they’d be using her house without having to  worry about her mother coming  _ home.  _ That meant she could get more comfortable. Which, incidentally, did not mean getting naked. Not yet, anyhow. 

 

“Can I ask a question before I put the ears on?” Elliot and Ashley were already curling up on the couch. Both glanced at each other. Elliot nodded. 

 

“Sure?”

 

“Our first session…” Elliot looked vaguely uncomfortable already. Ashley’s face went blank. “...not to say that I took it in any particular way, but… it looked like the fact that the blindfold didn’t work… really made you frustrated. Moreso than I expected.” Elliot swallowed hard. “Is that a particular kink you’re interested in? Sensory deprivation?”

 

“No. Um…” He scratched at the back of his head sheepishly. “I just kind of… I mean, it’s stupid to say it out loud, but…”

 

“Most of the scene we had in mind was my handiwork.” Ashley glanced down. “Elliot came up with the blindfold, though.” Elliot cleared his throat.

 

“I just - I thought it’d be a nice addition, you know? I did some research-”

 

“I did more than a little ‘research’ myself.” Susan added finger quotes around research just to help lift the mood. 

 

“-well,  _ actual  _ research besides the fun stuff. The guys I talked to said that blindfolds were usually a safe addition to a scene because you made someone  _ feel  _ restrained and raise the tension… but like we said back when it happened, it raised the tension  _ too  _ much…” He frowned, as Susan knelt in front of them, squeezing their hands gently. 

 

“I’m not trying to make you feel bad about what happened. So - what I’m getting here is that the blindfold was the one thing that was your idea…”

 

“And it was the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back, right?” Elliot said. Ashley hugged him sidelong, as Susan shook her head. 

 

“Everything kind of piled together at once when the panic hit. The music, the loss of sight, the smell-”

 

“You don’t like Jamaican Love?” Ashley wasn’t pouting, but she did seem almost shocked that Susan wouldn’t like her favorite incense. 

 

“-it was just more than I expected. A whole bunch of little bits all… jumbled together. Since then, I think we’ve been getting better at anticipating and avoiding the little stuff. I can crawl around because I can smell the disinfectant on the carpet.” 

 

“Just a quick spray of Lysol.” Ashley nodded. 

 

“I can be touched, because… well, I trust you, and I know how far things are going to go, usually.” The day when the petting had first crossed from hair to her back and - briefly - rump had been otherwise uneventful, but the change had been  _ interesting.  _ “And I can tolerate the spray bottle because… well, because it smells odd, but it’s not out of bounds- what  _ is  _ in that, anyway?” 

 

“Oh. Water.” Elliot’s smile brightened. 

 

“Just - just water. It smells… just… a little…” She pinched at the air with thumb and forefinger. He nodded.

 

“It’s from the garden hose. The water there always  _ tastes  _ great, but it definitely tastes different from in the house. I figured it’d smell a little different, but not in a way you could put your finger on.”  Susan blinked a few times, registering it for the first time. That was why it has smelled vaguely familiar. It was the scent of her skin after a neighborhood water war, after she’d been drenched by a dozen Super Soakers and a water balloon or three. 

 

“...well, you knocked that one out of the park.” Susan shook her head briefly. 

 

“But speaking of knowing what’s coming…” Elliot glanced back at Ashley, who grinned and nodded, her excitement suddenly bubbling up. “...we had a few ideas that might be out of left field for today.” Susan waited a moment, then nodded, gesturing for him to go on. “In the first, well… we’ve been tolerant of it for a while…” Jeez, his dom-tone still needed work. Ashley cut in.

 

“But kittens don’t wear clothing, pet.” Susan shivered. Part of her had assumed it would be coming, but she didn’t know when. There was no dread, though - no fear of what might be. If anything, she felt… ready? Enthusiastic? Like it should have happened a while ago? She was trying to pigeonhole the feeling, and it didn’t work. 

 

“I… suppose that’s fair. And the other?” Susan asked. Ashley nudged Elliot a few times.He reached into a pocket, and pulled out one of Tedd’s projects - one of his transformation watches. A cheap plastic watch that once held a chip that made a novelty sound effect when the single button on the front was pressed, now replaced with a magitek circuit that was, effectively, a wand. By pressing a button and thinking of a phrase three times, it would bestow a certain form on the user, or turn back. 

 

“I had Tedd make this one special for you.” Elliot held it out. “Three catgirl forms. Normal, shrunk, or shrunk Fv5.” 

 

“Tedd now knows.” Her tone was flat, faux-horrified. Elliot shook his head.

 

“I  _ might  _ have insinuated it was for me.”

 

“Not that he needs a watch to go all kittified.” Ashley developed a wry smile. True. The first shapeshifting ability Elliot gained was his ‘werecat’ form. Susan took the watch, and hesitated slightly.

 

“Is there any in particular you’d like me to use?” Ashley looked  _ distinctly  _ like she was trying not to say something, and Elliot shrugged.

 

“Your call this time.” Shrunken could be fun. The difference in perspective that came with a size change was always, for lack of a better term, interesting. And… well, if she was going to be naked…. Susan pressed the button, and her height  _ dwindled.  _ From well over five foot to well under it, her clothing getting looser, and then  _ tighter  _ in distinctly different areas. The feeling of her ears receding into her head, replaced by another set higher up, was intriguing - and she almost didn’t feel the tail grow in, until her hips and rear grew out, and it got a bit… pinched in her pants. The undressing that immediately followed wasn’t a slow, sensuous striptease. It was more a quick series of pulls, leaving her newly short, curvaceous form bared. Elliot was still smiling levelly, though his cheeks were… distinctly red. And Ashley was  _ staring  _ so hard that Susan thought she was going to burst into flames at any moment - right, her little transformation fetish. She didn’t have time to ask anything before Ashley gave her first command, and ‘kitty mode’ was well and truly engaged.    
  
“Tail up.”    
  
“Mew.” Susan dropped to all fours, tail flicking high. The sensation of  _ having  _ a tail was familiar, thanks to her fairy dolls, but the cat tail felt a little different - just a little. A little more weight to it, perhaps. And her ears! There were muscles there she’d never imagined having before. Being able to redirect them with hardly a thought felt  _ good.  _ __  
__  
Ashley walked around her slowly, eyeing her up. Susan padded over to Elliot, and rubbed her forehead against his leg - he obliged with scritches behind her e-   
-behind her-   
_ Why was that an erogenous zone?  _ She leaned into him fully, and started to purr. Genuinely… purr. She didn’t know how the structure in her throat worked, she had no idea that the transformation had given her one, but  _ she was purring.  _ And Susan was absolutely delighted. Elliot seemed more than happy, given the happy scritches she was getting, and Ashley -    
  
Oh.    
  
Susan could feel her ‘petting’ her rump. Scratching at the base of her tail - okay,  _ that  _ was an erogenous zone, the ears just felt  _ pleasant.  _ She found herself wiggling her hind end, not quite teasing, but not  _ un _ teasing either. Definitely showing off for her - and Ashley was looking. With her clothing discarded and her tail in the air there was absolutely nothing to hide  __ anything. 

 

Susan mewled between deep, resonant purrs. Elliot knelt, scratching under her chin, as she pawed idly at him. At his chest, his abs, his… wherever her hand decided to go. She wasn’t quite begging for more, but she was certainly showing her appreciation. She did notice when Ashley stopped touching her rump, but she didn’t react visibly. Not until Ashley trotted back around to pull Elliot up and beckon to the stairs.    
  
“Shall we?”   
  
“Oh?” Elliot’s eyes widened. “Oh. By all means... “ He paused. “Do you think we should put the cat out?”    
  
“Nah. She’s been a good girl so far. Let her stay in.” What was all that about? The house shook from a peal of thunder as they headed upstairs - Susan on hands and knees, the other two on foot. When she got to the top of the stairs, with both her lover and pet watching, Ashley peeled off her top, giving them both quite a view - Susan actually froze in place. She’d seen Ashley sans a bra before, but she still had  _ something  _ on to obscure things. Now… nothing. And while she knew, logically, that they were just nipples, just teats, the same as a man’s, and that there shouldn’t be anything  _ intrinsically  _ sexual about them, she still had the reaction that most people in her culture did when presented with a nice set of tits, let alone a pair with such lovely, long, nubbly nipples - she stared, and tried not to ask herself questions about why she was reacting quite so strongly. Questions she could ask when they weren’t about to get it on, so to speak -    
  
And that was when it really hit her. They were going to have sex. They wanted her to watch. Maybe she could join in (maybe?!) but - well, there would be no  _ pressure  _ for her to do so if she was a cat at the moment. She realized, a few moments later, that they were going specifically towards  _ her  _ room. It made sense again. They were too courteous to fuck on her mother’s bed (although that was a level of courtesy that one expected of anyone who wasn’t a soused-and-stoned fratboy). Her bed would be much more comfortable. She’d still have to change the sheets afterwards. 

 

As Elliot and Ashley stumbled through her door (now kissing), clothing was starting to fall aside. Elliot’s shirt. Ashley’s skirt. Socks. Susan padded around behind them, kneeling on the floor, watching intently as Ashley suddenly broke the kiss to grab Elliot’s pants by the waistband, yanking down. Jeans and boxers fell as one, and Susan’s gawk turned into an unabashed ogle. She knew the boy was hung (judging by a few unwanted erections that he’d hidden particularly badly), but that was just  _ impressive.  _  And the slight  _ flex  _ of his ass when he stepped out of his pants… if Ashley’s goal was to make her want to dive in, she was definitely getting there. Not  _ quite  _ there - there was still a little voice in the back of her head screaming that she couldn’t - but she was quickly drowning it in a bathtub full of estrogen.    
  
“On the bed.” Ashley whispered. “Now.”    
  
“Yes, ma’am!” Elliot slid atop the sheets, legs spread slightly. Ashley tugged her panties free with the same gusto that she’d shown with his pants, and then crawled atop him. Ashley’s hands drifted over his chest, toying with his nipples slowly - he sighed pleasantly, and closed his eyes, his own hands remaining rooted on her hips. Slowly, they started to drift upwards - and she took his wrists and pushed them back down.    
  
“Not yet.”    
  
“...right…” He let out a breath. Susan’s breathing hitched. They’d  _ insinuated  _ that Elliot was - no, almost  _ directly  _ said that Elliot was the sub in the relationship, but everything she’d seen so far had been more or less on level footing. Watching him acting in a similar role to herself was something she should have expected, but it was still deeply exciting. Despite her best efforts to remain silent, she was purring again. 

 

Ashley took her time teasing him. His chest… armpits, making him giggle a little… neck. Cheeks. Lowering her face right over his, but not kissing him - not quite. Down his sides, his abs - rolling back between her legs, between  _ his  _ legs, to caress his sac gently… and then she held out a hand. And in the next moment, there was a wrapped condom there. Susan was stunned - until she realized that it had been concealed in the bracelets she was wearing. A neat little bit of palming. 

 

It was interesting watching Ashley sheathe Elliot in the latex. Maybe it was just her attitude, but Susan had always sort of pictured Ashley as the sort that would put it on part of the way with her hand, then finish rolling it on with her lips - a maneuver that was probably impractical and informed by porn movies more than reality, but one that she’d been told was feasible. She did not. It was a single quick motion with her hand, nothing more, and she checked over her work when she was done to ensure that there was enough of a reservoir at the tip. And then, content, she rose up and straddled him, letting his member press between herself and his body, grinding against him slowly. Elliot closed his eyes and sighed. 

 

“You know if you want me to start vibrating again-”

 

“Shh.” Vibrating? That was a story she’d have to get out of them later. Susan chewed the inside of her cheek. She wanted a better look at what was happening. Without thinking about it, she proceeded to leap up atop her dresser - there was nothing there to knock over - and squatted low. She was coiled, ready to pounce, and… she was comfortable there. Her tail flicked the air behind her as she watched Ashley riding Elliot, teasing him. Both her lovers glanced back at her, Ashley visibly  _ delighted  _ in her decision to act more catlike, Elliot just surprised. Ashley just sort of shook her head.    
  
“Silly kitty. The floor wasn’t comfy enough?”   
  
“Miao.” Elliot kept looking at her as Ashley started to rock her hips again, before she suddenly rose up and took him inside her. His response was more pronounced than hers, a soft moan that made the hairs on the back of Susan’s neck stand up. Ashley was silent at first, though from her expression, Susan imagined she was holding back quite hard. But the sound that made the most impact on the voyeuristic kitten was the soft pop-squelch of the entry itself. 

 

And she watched.

 

She watched as Ashley rode Elliot. Watched as she held his hands above him, whispering that he couldn’t touch yet. Watched as she let her lips hover just a centimeter from his, or less, brushing over his, but not letting him kiss her. Watched as she built the anticipation. 

 

Watched as she drove him up a damn wall.   
  
Watched as Ashley and Elliot kept glancing back towards her, watching her watch  _ them,  _ savoring her reactions - even if she was trying to stay still and remain visibly disinterested, she was clearly  _ failing  _ at that. Her tail was a dead giveaway - and it slowly occurred to her that as much of a show as they were giving her, she was giving them at least a little bit of a show in return.

 

Watched as the wall crumbled. As Ashley let him caress her and squeeze her and nibble on her neck and tits and everywhere else he could get his mouth. 

 

Watched as he groaned out “ _ I’mgonnacum _ ” in a voice that made her whine - only for it to come out a strangled mewl. Her voice  _ did  _ still work under the feline act, didn’t it? 

 

Susan couldn’t bear to look away for a moment. When he came, he looked… intense. Intense, and almost pained, and Ashley looked… beautiful, and vulnerable, and  _ kind of doofy  _ if she was going to be honest. People didn’t exactly think about what their lips were doing when they went over the edge. Sometimes it really did show. 

 

And then it was over… and Elliot was hurriedly pulling out of Ashley and removing the condom, and she was rolling off to let him throw it out, panting for breath… and Ashley was beckoning her over. 

 

“So. Did my kitten like her show? Hmm?” Susan pounced from the dresser to the bed, and nuzzled up against her. She was sweaty, and she could  _ smell  _ her arousal and Elliot’s deodorant on her and - and - and for  _ once  _ in her life it was not driving her neuroses mad, though it  _ was  _ twitching at the distant edges of her mind. She mewled, and nuzzled up to Ashley… and Ashley wrapped her arms around her, and Elliot curled up behind her… fuck. Shrunken was very good. Elliot was normally a bit taller than her, but feeling like a ‘little spoon’ to this degree was  _ great.  _   
  
The kissing was good. The kissing was delightful. And yet, they weren’t about to assume the obvious.    
  
“Do you want to keep going?” Elliot murmured. Susan considered it carefully. She turned back to him, and slowly nodded. She opened her mouth to say something - and then let out a frustrated, sharp breath.    
  
“Mew.”   
  
“...I’ll let you talk for now.” Ashley said, staring at Susan intently.    
  
“Are you ready for another go already? I mean, you just-” Susan stopped short. Something was rubbing against her rear. Something… thick. Something… Oh dear. She knew he was big, but it was an entirely different thing to feel it versus seeing it.    
  
“I have pretty good stamina.” Elliot kissed behind Susan’s ear, and Susan’s toes curled inward.    
  
“And another condom?” Susan pressed gently.   
  
“Of course I d-” He stopped short. “Um. Wait, you brought the condoms this time.”   
  
“I’ve got like four more in my pocket.” Ashley nodded. Susan sat half upright.    
  
“You thought you’d be using  _ five?  _ How good  _ is   _ your stamina?”    
  
“Not that good.” Elliot snorted. “I mean - in theory, maybe?”   
  
“I like to have backups in case one breaks. Plus I have a bunch of different kinds.” Ashley slid to her feet, finding where her skirt had been thrown aside. Susan tapped her chin.    
  
“Very thoughtful of you. I’m not allergic to latex if that was a concern.”    
  
“That leaves one we don’t have to worry about, then. Ridged, warming lubricant, or regular?”    
  
“Standard-issue, please.” Ridged could be fun, she supposed, but she wanted to just feel  _ Elliot  _ with as few distractions as possible. There was a tiny -  _ tiny  _ \- part of her brain that would almost be willing to take him bare, though it was immediately steamrolled by the 99.995% of her that considered it a terrible idea for reasons logical and visceral alike. Once again Ashley prepared him… while he took her chin in hand and turned her head to kiss her. Deeply. Slowly. Susan felt herself tense for a moment, and then she slowly relaxed into his embrace, only for her legs to lock up again as she felt something across her sex. A feathery stroke, and then a gentle peck, and - she opened one eye to watch Ashley nuzzling at her thighs and kissing at her entrance, and -    
  
_ TONGUE!  _ __  
__  
There was no raw panic the way there had been after the blindfold had gone onto her. Susan was, instead, carried aloft on the sheer sensation. For a moment she thought Ashley was trying to get her off, as she probed deeper, and deeper, tongue twisting around inside her - but then she pulled out and aligned Elliot’s member.    
  
“Fill her.” Ashley said, her voice quiet, but firm. Elliot held Susan by the wrists, squeezing firmly, and…    
  
And she was full.

  
Everything seemed to happen at once. It was all sharp and intense and bored into her mind with a ferocity that was almost terrifying. The sensations built and built and  _ built  _ as she  _ stretched  _ and twisted against his hands - not trying to free herself, but actually enjoying the sensation of the restraint - and Ashley pressed against her frontside, breast to breast, kissing her deeply, and…   
  
She knew that it was not subspace. It didn’t match any of the sensations she’d been told to expect. Her anxiety was  _ there…  _ but it was shoved aside so very hard that it didn’t matter.    
  
The first orgasm was good. The second, mere moments later, was  great. And the third, as she felt Ashley’s hand across her clit, and Elliot’s cock suddenly start twitching and pulsing and the condom bubbled inside her, was…    
  
It was…   
  
_ Yes _ .    
  
That was the only term, at the moment, that held any sway for her.    
  
Rational thought slowly poured back in as the afterglow faded. She was atop Elliot - he’d disposed of the condom as rapidly as the last one,  and was panting  _ quite  _ hard. Ashley was curled into her side, head on her enhanced rack. For a second, Susan thought about the fact that  _ this was her first time,  _ that she’d just given her virginity to two people at once, that - well, that was kind of the point of this, wasn’t it? And ‘virginity’ was an overrated social construct anyway, so why was she thinking of that?    
  
She didn’t have an answer after a few minutes. She didn’t need one. She could enjoy this.    
  
Covered in sweat, her thighs soaked in her own nectar, and she could actually  _ enjoy  _ it.    
  
No words were said for a long while. Not until hours later. Sweet, all-encompassing sleep overtook them first, and the house was silent, but for the constant dull roar of the rain. 


	6. Confirmation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three discussions.

“...Do I want to know?” Diane stared up at Susan’s ears. Susan smiled levelly. The ears flicked. “In  _ public?”  _ _   
_ _   
_ “If anyone notices, they’ll assume it’s a headband. And I  _ do  _ have a headband in my bag, should it come to that.” While Diane and Susan were distant relations, they had opted to think of each other as ‘friend’ first and foremost. It made things a  _ lot  _ easier mentally. In the year-plus since they’d finally met, Susan had become quite comfortable with her. Their regular movie nights were a good way for her to turn her brain off, and they had a standing rule that they never  __ had  to talk about anything uncomfortable during those nights out. Weird, on the other hand, was always on the table. 

 

“I’m… guessing this and the collar are a matched set, then?”

 

“Also the tail. This morph doesn’t have a tailless variant, unfortunately.”

 

“However you’ve got it tucked away, it works. Would  _ not  _ have guessed.” Diane tilted a cup from the food court in Susan’s general direction. “So again, I’m going to ask - do I want to know?”

 

“I’m just… getting more comfortable with my feline side.” Diane’s brow lowered slightly. “Elliot and Ashley and I are… in a relationship of sorts now.”

 

“Shut up. You’re telling me I had a chance all this time?” Susan raised an eyebrow.

 

“I didn’t think you were interested after finding out about his other job.” Elliot’s transformation into a super- _ heroine  _ had thrown Diane a bit. Or more than a bit. 

 

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I can’t spend ten seconds bitching about the lost opportunity… even if I wouldn’t take it. And the cat ears factor in-”

 

“They’re my dominants. I’m their sub… and their pet.” She laid it out plainly as she could. Silence crowded in - or silence between them, anyway. Between the lesser cacophony of the mall crowd and the distant sound of Maroon 5 over the PA system, Susan was still going to have to strain to hear Diane if she got any further away. “Is this getting into ‘don’t want to talk about it’ territory, then?” 

 

“Honestly, I'm trying to get my head around it, that's all." Diane drank the last bit of her soda, and with the distinct slurping noise that came with the end of a cup, she tossed it into the trash - outside food wasn't allowed in the theater, anyway. "I get the dom-sub thing, just... you're their  _ pet _ ?"

 

"When we're playing, yes."

 

"And now?" Diane flicked the charm on Susan's collar. Her cheeks flared, though not as badly as they would have another time. She was getting used to the implications. And, perhaps, every now and again she could double down on them. It caught people off guard when she did.

 

"When we're out of the boudoir... or wherever we happen to be playing... I don't act as their pet. Though I suppose in a way I always will be, and 'Kitten' has become a bit of a pet name for me. Pun unintended." Susan shrugged as if it didn't matter much. Diane simply looked thoughtful - not scandalized or disbelieving or focusing on certain mental images - as she bought her ticket at the self-serve kiosk. 

 

"Okay. So... you just... like, let them pet you and you act all feline and coy in your day to day life."

 

"I was already doing that, minus the petting. It's a surprisingly natural fit... much like you and Rhoda, come to think of it." And THAT got a reaction from her. Diane stood stock still, eyes wide, card frozen in the machine mid-swipe. 

 

"I... I don't treat Rhoda like a pet."

 

"Really?" Susan's head tilted to the side. "Grace said that you call her 'Pup'."

 

"I... I mean..."

 

"And then there's the choker she always wears. Very much like my collar." Diane's jaw worked around as if she was going to say something. She did not. Eventually she managed to finish swiping her card and paid for her ticket. Susan stepped in to pay for hers a moment later. "I'm not insinuating that you and she were at anywhere near the level of myself, Elliot and Ashley. But, you know... perhaps in a 'casual kink' kind of way, that's how your relationship used to be?"

 

"Maybe. Just... maybe." Diane let out a breath. "Fuck. Now I'm second-guessing everything."

 

"Not everything, I hope. That's how Discordians are made." 

 

"Everything about me and Rhoda. Ass." She stuck out her tongue at Susan, who did so in return. No feelings were harmed. "I mean, I don't really... want to do that with her, just..." She sighed. Susan nodded.

 

"Pink elephants." Diane nodded slowly. She was trying not to think about it, therefore she couldn't get it out of her head. Just like the old thought experiment - 'Quick! Don't think of a pink elephant!' 

 

"Seriously, I gotta talk to her about it."

 

"Her and her Cat?" Diane's reply, while colorful, was unprintable, containing numerous phonemes not normally represented in English, and a mere "WHARGLHARBLLL!" does not come even vaguely close to the actual sound emitted. 

 

\---

 

“Skreevos. Pass turn.” Grace groaned. 

  
“Why is everyone running that dang card?”

 

“Because it just got reprinted, it’s big and powerful, and the discard is especially handy against tricksy blue decks, miss wizards-and-werewolves.” Justin pointed at Grace’s deck rather pointedly, and after a beat, she nodded.    
  


“Fair enough. Seriously, though, my kingdom for a counterspell…” Grace’s voice dropped to a muted grumble. Salty Crackers was unusually quiet that evening. Tensaided had shown up to pick up some model paints, and Duck and his crew had been there for a while before they had to go, but at the moment it was just Grace, Justin, and Susan, who was leaning back in a chair and watching the game as it unfolded.  “...well unfortunately… that’s gonna be game, because I just drew  _ another  _ land…” Grace tossed her hand down. Four islands. “And I’m out of flying blockers.” 

 

“She who lives by the topdeck dies by the topdeck.” Susan pointed out gently, scratching at the side of her collar idly. Justin crossed his arms and nodded.

 

“I’d suggest putting more draw in, but I know you’ve got enough.” 

 

“Just wasn’t getting it, yeah.” Grace sighed dramatically. “Well in any case, I think I’m done for now…” She glanced up at the clock. “And with any luck, Sarah will actually get out of class in time for our date tonight.” There was definitely a mote of frustration there. Susan leaned on her elbows. 

 

“Trouble in paradise?”

 

“Not really. Her figure drawing teacher has no sense of time. I mean, the assignments are fun-”

 

“Let me guess, ‘draw me like one of your French squirrels’?” Justin said.

 

“I’m guessing that’s a reference I should get by now.” Grace’s brow lowered slightly.

 

“ _ Titanic? _ ”

 

“Skipped it when I heard about how inaccurate it was. There’s a figure drawing scene?” Her head tilted to the side. Justin sat back down.

 

“Yeah. It’s mostly treated as foreplay…”

 

“Ooh. I might have to just watch that scene, then.  _ Definitely  _ a reference I can use.” Grace rubbed her hands together, as Susan snorted quietly. 

 

“Is the date one that requires a certain time to show up?” 

 

“Not really. We were just going to go to the sushi train and-” Grace stopped short. “-hey have you and Elliot and Ashley been there yet? It’s  _ great  _ date fuel. Casual, but quiet, and the winding conveyor belt kind of partitions off areas…”

 

“We, uh-” Susan cleared her throat. “We aren’t really… I mean we are, but… we haven’t had many  _ formal  _ dates.” Read: None. They had playtime. They hung out. They watched movies. And from time to time, the three of them all crashed out on Tedd’s couch while he went over the details of his latest discovery. 

 

“Oh.” Grace looked a little surprised, but she also looked as if she was trying to hide that - the silly squirrel had a very bad poker face. “Well - hey, invite them along!” 

 

“Za?” Susan’s eyes widened.

 

“We can make it a double date!” Grace’s hands pumped in the air, delighted at her own idea. Perhaps it was Susan’s gobsmacked reaction, or the fact that she was getting redder, but Justin stepped in quickly. 

 

“I think Ashley’s got her ballet course tonight.” 

 

“Oh. Nuts. Well - next time, maybe?”

 

“You… set the time, I’ll ask them to show up.” Susan shrugged haplessly, trying to brass it off. She glanced back at Justin, who just threw her a clandestine wink.  _ He  _ got it. They felt like more than playmates. They felt like a proper…  _ thing.  _

 

It was formalizing it that was proving tricky, at least in Susan’s head. 

 

\---

  
  


"I think yours would be 'Invincible', by OK Go?" Ashley balanced a pencil on her pursed top lip, sitting on Susan's bed. There was no plans for anything today, beyond editing and uploading the latest episode of the Review Show ( _ Buckaroo Banzai _ , which they'd agreed was wacky fun, despite the obvious studio meddling) and as such, the discussion had spun out of control quickly. 

 

"Really? I thought that'd be Nanase's. I've never left any exes stunned and stuttering." Elliot smirked, standing beside Susan’s desk. "Besides, I don't have heat vision."

 

"Nanase does?" 

 

"She might." He offered a faint shrug. "Not like we check our spellbooks enough."

 

"I have to agree. You don't." Susan squinted, getting a second-perfect trim of an awkward segment that clearly needed to be excised from the video. She checked hers regularly - after all, she used her fairy dolls enough that one never knew when she’d get another spell.  "...of course, we all know what Tedd's would be."

 

"Weird Science?" Ashley's smile widened.

 

"Magic and technology, voodoo dolls and chips..." Susan half-sang the lyrics.

 

"You know, we've never messed around with voodoo." Elliot scratched his chin. 

 

"Given that it's a religion as well as a magic thing, that's... probably for the best?” Ashley said. “I mean, I don't wanna offend one of the Loa and have them physically manifest in—" 

 

"Loa?" Elliot interrupted.

 

"Oh. Uh. Voodoo gods?"

 

"OH." 

 

"Presence or absence of deities aside, we're practically swimming in magic." Susan leaned back in her chair. "How are the lessons coming, anyway?" 

 

"Kevin's a pretty good teacher when he wants to be." She extended a hand and concentrated, and a little blob of yellowish energy formed. "I'm up to healing bruises and cuts now. Plus the TF stuff, but that's all super-unreliable still." 

 

"Ah." Susan actually didn't know what she meant by 'the TF stuff'. There was probably an awkward story there to unearth later, but she didn't want to delve down that particular rabbit hole if they weren't planning on getting physical. Knowing Ashley, any transformation would have perversion potential. "I guess using 'I Just Wanna Fly' for Elliot's theme song would be too on the nose."

 

"Little bit. I played that song so much I got sick of it,” Elliot said. “And I can’t change my messenger name without losing all my logs and contacts, so… yeah.”

 

"Maybe... ‘Heroes’, by David Bowie?" Ashley looked a little distant, probably playing out the song in her head.

 

"That fits better." Susan smirked. His unflagging optimism was definitely echoed in the lyrics, even though the 'just one day' part didn't quite fit. He was a hero every day, powers or no. "And me?"

 

"Well if I've got a Bowie song, you've gotta have something by Queen. 'Waiting for the Hammer to Fall'?"

 

"Of course." Susan rolled her eyes, turning in her chair. She couldn't argue it, and it did have an appropriate amount of bombast. "Then what would Ashley’s be?"

 

"Oooh! Oooh!" Elliot's eyes widened. "Tank!"

 

"Tank?" Susan raised an eyebrow.

 

"The theme song to 'Cowboy Bebop'?" Ashley rolled her eyes. Susan blinked once. Clearly she'd missed something... it was one of those series that she'd meant to watch, but hadn't. Minimizing the video editing software, she brought up YouTube and - big band music? It was nice, but - she turned to Elliot, hands raised in silent question. 

 

"You haven't seen her dance to it." His grin widened. Ashley slugged him in the shoulder. 

 

"Come on! That was ONE time, and I didn't know you had come in!" 

 

"Post-shower dancing?" Susan was stifling giggles.

 

"No, cleaning-my-room-and-trying-to-stay-positive dancing—wait, you dance out of the shower?" 

 

"Only if I've had coffee and only if I'm in a particularly amazing mood. Tell no one else." 

 

"Well, we’ll have to see this sometime." Ashley leaned in closer, and Susan fought off a fidget. Was it time? It was time. She scooted her desk chair towards her bed.

 

"Mm... well, I'm sure it can be arranged. In the meantime, all I really have to do now is save and upload... and then..." She cleared her throat. "Are you hungry?" She directed the question at Elliot and Ashley alike. They glanced at each other. 

 

"I could eat." Ashley nodded. 

 

"Yeah. Yeah, sure?"

 

"Grace was telling me about the new Sushi Train. I thought we might want to go there sometime... evidently it's a pretty good date spot." And there it was. She was making her play. She was - being stared at by Ashley, head tilted to one side. Quizzical. Concerned? "What. What is it?"

 

"...you... really need to calm down a little. I think you're on the verge of hyperventilating."

 

"Hyper - no, no! Not at all. I'm calm. I'm calm." A moment passed as Susan consciously forced her breathing to slow down. She was  _ not  _ calm and she was fooling no one. 

 

"No, seriously, you don't have to be nervous about asking us on a date." Ashley slid off the bed, closing the distance between them, and offered Susan a hand. She gave it a gentle squeeze. Ashley glanced up at Elliot, beckoning him over with a twist of the head, and he sat on the end of Susan's bed as well, holding Ashley and Susan's hands. Susan's cinematic brain was still on, and if the scene had been in a movie, she would have derided it for looking a little cheesy, a little too on-the-nose. But... it felt right.

 

"So... we're... the three of us are..." Susan bit back a curse. "I know you don't like labels."

 

"We're an item." Elliot nodded, evidently trying to bridge any gap there. "We... play around with BDSM, but that's just a play thing, not a full-time thing. Outside of the bedroom, we spend a lot of time hanging out, and just being supportive of each other, and... honestly, if you look at what we've been doing, and how it's felt..." He looked to Ashley for confirmation, who fidgeted in place, scooting her tush around to what was feasibly a more comfortable position.

 

"...yeah, it's definitely felt -  _ feels _ like I’m dating you as well as Elliot. Just without calling it that. And you're clearly as serious about it as we are..." Ashley looked pointedly at Susan's collar, and her brow furrowed. "We're a triad, aren't we?" She didn't sound unpleased with it, just a little - surprised, maybe? Had it snuck up on her like it had to Susan?

 

"I think we are. And I'm okay with that if everyone else is." Elliot said. Ashley's brow unknit. Susan's eyes widened slightly. Ashley nodded - eagerly. And - 

 

Did Elliot initiate the group hug? She was almost sure he did. She was being hugged. She was being hugged from all angles and she was hugging back and - and she wasn't going to cry. She wasn't going to dissolve into putty in their arms. She was going to hug back and be delighted that she had clarification and - and it was going to be weird telling her mother about this. If she ever needed to know. 

 

"...Sushi?" Ashley finally piped up from inside the group hug.

 

"You're really bringing it back that quickly?" Elliot mumbled.

 

"I might be hungrier than I let on."

 

"Sushi." Susan confirmed, sliding out of the hug - but still holding their hands as they approached the door. Until they got TO the door and had to release to get through. And - okay, it was going to take some getting used to. She'd have to talk to Sarah more. But... steps were taken, and she felt optimistic.  

 

Maybe Elliot was rubbing off on her a little.


	7. Mastication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lunch is had, and some time later, Elliot and Susan chew over a few issues. Metaphorically. Issues do not become tangible, and they do not physically nom on them.

“You haven’t been here already?” Grace leaned in briefly, scooting her chair in further. Ashley shook her head. 

“We were going to, but… well, long story short, we got ourselves confused and ended up going to Burrito Barn instead.” Ashley said. The six of them were neatly arrayed at a table at the Sushi Train, next to a covered conveyor belt that held an almost endless array of plates of sushi rolls, nigiri, and various other bits. The waiter slid around them, setting up the little bowls to pour soy sauce into, the wasabi, and the pickled ginger, having already taken their drink orders - he was nothing if not efficient, Susan thought. 

“To extend the story somewhat,” Susan continued, “We got halfway here before I looked it up on my phone and realized that they closed between three and five. Less ‘confusion’ and more ‘not believing that any restaurant in this town would close right after the lunch rush’.” 

“I guess it makes sense.” Tedd offered a shrug. She - yes, definitely ‘she’ today - was looking at the train of goodies with a less than enthused expression. “There’s probably a good stretch of time to make sure they’re set up for the dinner…” For a moment, she glanced up at a standee that held the prices for the buffets, before Susan snatched it down and set it under the table.

“None of that. We’re all getting the all-you-can-eat tonight, and I’m covering it.”

“You sure?” Sarah frowned a little, and Susan crossed her arms and nodded. 

“Positive. For one, it’s going to be cheaper than if we pay per-plate for Grace.”

“Hey!” Grace pouted, and Susan raised a finger. 

“I’m not saying you’re incapable of controlling yourself, just that I don’t want you to limit yourself on our behalf. Second, the waiter recognized you.” She gestured up at the wiry fellow, who was whispering in hushed tones to the sushi chefs; they glanced at each other, and their paces doubled. Wise men. 

“...we’ve only been here like once.” Grace mumbled. 

“Your reputation is spreading, sweetie.” Sarah winked at her. “Between your cameo on ‘Man Consumes Food’, your lifetime ban from the Ryan’s, and the pie eating contest…”

“Okay, okay, fair.” The squirrel’s pout remained, though it was softened somewhat. 

Elliot cleared his throat. “Uh… there’s some California rolls coming down the pipe. Could you…?”

“Oh. Oh, sure!” It was a case of basic logistics; those on the outer seats couldn’t reach the conveyor easily, so whoever sat next to it - Grace and Susan, respectively - had to grab food for everyone. 

Tedd grinned. “Aww, you knew just what I wanted. Thanks.” 

“It’s not exactly hard. It’s the only sushi you eat.” Sarah chided. 

Susan sat a little further upright. “You’re half-Japanese and you’ve only eaten California rolls?” She didn’t bother to hide the confusion in her tone. 

“...well, it’s not like dad makes sushi much.” Tedd let her voice go deadpan. 

“No, but - I mean, your aunt, surely. Or Nanase?”

“Nnnnope.” Tedd just shrugged. Susan blinked a few times. 

“Tell me the rest of you have branched out.” The disbelief had not faded from her tone. “I mean, besides the obvious here.” She gestured to Grace, who had taken four plates of Inari pockets off the line - sweet fried tofu stuffed with sushi rice. 

“I like the dynamite rolls myself.” Sarah shrugged. “And spicy tuna.”

“Okay, you’re halfway off the hook.” It had been a long time since they’d done sushi together, after all - this was the first really good restaurant serving it that had opened in years, and they didn’t make the hour-long drive to the outlet malls where the closest sushi-hibachi place was often. Susan leveled a finger at Elliot and Ashley. “What about you? Surely our resident Japanophile and our resident black belt have at least tried…” She stopped herself, reading their expressions. “You haven’t.”

“Uh…” Ashley blushed. “I - I mean I love authentic ramen and hibachi, but… I didn’t know how sushi fish was treated for years and the idea of eating something raw was kind of… blecch.” 

“Likewise? Um. Yeah.” Elliot was actually blushing. “I’m surprised with your… germophobia that you aren’t having a problem with it.”

“The fish is of the highest grade, monitored for parasites or disease, and it’s exceptionally fresh. It’s fine.” Her finger swept the table. “...but honestly, if you haven’t had proper nigiri before, you’re in for a treat.” 

“Niwhatnow?” Tedd’s head tilted to one side.

“Ball sushi. Like - ah. Here we go.” She opened the conveyor belt and plucked three plates out, each with two pieces of sushi. Each piece was little more than a tiny oval of rice, topped with a thin slice of precisely cut white fish. “White tuna nigiri. One of my favorites.” She added nothing to the sushi, flipping it over as she put it in her mouth so the fish hit her tongue first. Her eyes closed, and she chewed. Slowly. When she opened them, only Sarah had already eaten hers as well, glancing upwards and (seemingly) thinking about the taste. Elliot swallowed hard.

“Well, nothing ventured…” He mumbled, before Susan snorted. 

“Elliot, you two have stretched me out of my comfort zone how many times since January?” A beat passed. “Pushed me out of my comfort zone. Stretched - never mind.” It didn’t really sound dirty, but the look in Tedd’s eye suggested she was parsing it as such. Then again, she’d made the morph watch, so she probably knew at least a little of what was going on. Elliot braced himself, and popped the sushi in his mouth. A beat passed. His eyes popped open.

“Oh wow.”

“Not the reaction I expected, but I’ll take it.” Susan allowed herself a triumphant little grin. 

“It’s… buttery? Is that the word I’m looking for here? There’s no real fishy taste, it’s just… smooth.” Elliot was talking out loud, but that was clearly directed at no one in particular. The others were eating them now (Tedd biting hers in half instead of popping the whole thing, bloody Philistine... ), and the reactions seemed positive - but Elliot’s was definitely the most pronounced. 

“A good white tuna will do that.” Susan nodded once, as Elliot gestured to the line.

“Well grab me another when they come around again! And - well yeah, I’ll try another of those! How about that one?” His smile stretched out.

“Honestly, I liked it too, but it was kind of… plain?” Ashley shrugged.

“I don’t know about plain.” Susan held her tongue. It was. “It’s just… delicate? There’s a lot of flavor there, but it doesn’t smack you across the face with it. There’s a little sour, a little sweet, the soft and - I can’t keep saying buttery, can I?”

“If you can’t think of another word for it.” Tedd offered a shrug. 

“Well, that of the fish. And on the way down I’m - I’m getting just a little hit of something spicy? Not pepper-spicy, more… like mustardy? But subtler.” 

“A little wasabi.” Susan found her smile tweaking upward. “They put just a trace under the fish on the white tuna. Well spotted.” 

“Yeah… hey, hand me one of those purple ones.”

“Those are squid, dude.” Tedd shook her head, but still slid the plate to Elliot.

“Squid can be tasty. You said so yourself.”

“Still not something I’m going to try everyday. It’s good, it’s just not my thing.” She briefly opened her mouth as if to add something - quite possibly a comment on how Ellen had forced Tedd to expand her horizons in culinary terms - but instead shut herself up and plucked a tuna roll from the conveyor for herself.

“That’s what she said.” Ashley grinned a little too widely, and the chorus of groans was set off.

“I was genuinely trying to avoid the conversation heading that way.” Sarah let her head roll back.

“Which way?” Susan felt an eyebrow arching of its own volition.

“Stuff that’s interesting, but not something to try everyday?” She glanced down at Susan’s collar rather pointedly. Susan cleared her throat. 

“...well, I mean, I certainly don’t have a problem if the conversation drifts that way, so long as we don’t blurt out anything scandalous that the whole restaurant can hear.”

“Yeah, but can we… I dunno, just… not right now?” Tedd’s cheeks were rapidly going red. Grace kissed her cheek. 

“Because you don’t want to get too distracted?” She batted her eyes at Tedd, who snorted. 

“That’s one word for it.” Tedd’s voice dropped a little. “But, uh, just for the record, if… you ever wanted to give us any pointers…” Sarah’s eyes widened. Grace’s grin stretched to a degree that would probably tear the cheeks of most people. 

“...a discussion for the basement later?” Elliot mumbled.

“Later. Yeah.” Sarah nodded rapidly. “...hey, pass me an Inari pocket?”

 

\---

“Yes. Mom, we’re - we’re fine, really.” Elliot laughed. “No, don’t worry. The motel’s uphill enough, and we got off the freeway before things got too bad.” A few seconds passed. Susan couldn’t hear his mom on the other end, but his nodding spoke volumes. She was doing The Mom Thing, clucking over him on the other end of the line, probably being supportive. Her own mother was just glad that they’d gotten off the road when the storm had gotten particularly bad, before the flash flood warning hit. She wrung out her hair idly, leaning over the bathtub. Granted, Susan hadn’t felt the need to tell her mother she was with her boyfriend on this trip, but she didn’t need to know all the details. When she glanced up again, Elliot was turning very red. “No - really, mom, it’s okay. We’re - yes. We’re good. Really. Okay - okay, I love you. Say good night to Ellen for me.” And a moment later the phone was put away, and he let out a deep breath. “...I think we’re good.”

“Assuming the storm blows through quickly, certainly. I’m just glad Ashley was less worried.” She cleared her throat. Really, they should have gotten off the road anyway, storm or not - it was getting quite late. “If it’s alright with you, I’m going to get the first shower.” 

“Sure.” He grinned at her from the other room. “While you’re getting warmed up, I’m going to get changed.” Susan nudged the door up, undressing quickly and hanging her clothes on the back of the door - and then the realization hit her as she was turning the shower on and getting the temperature right. 

“You brought a change of clothes?” 

“Uh - the other kind of change!” Elliot called. “...blonde, brunette, or pink?” Susan knew that he could turn into a girl more or less at will. For a while he’d needed to sleep in female form to avoid magic buildups throughout the day that could result in an uncontrolled change. Now it was just habit, as far as she knew, but it was still something that she hadn’t seen before - the one time they’d fallen asleep next to each other, he’d passed out in male form.

“Whatever you’re most comfortable with, I suppose.” She chuckled to herself, letting the warmth suffuse her. She’d only been in the rain from the car to the lobby of the motel, and it had still been enough to drench her to the skin. The realization that she was going to be sleeping on motel sheets - likely in the buff - was not a pleasant one, even after she’d hit the area with Lysol spray. She put the thought aside as rapidly as she could. “Do you think Sensei Greg is terribly disappointed?”

“Nah.” Elliot’s voice had already changed into a raspy, gentle contralto. “Even if there weren’t any other confirmed supernatural martial artists at the expo, he got at least a potential positive out of that guy doing Iron Shirt Quigong, and he got to eat at Tony Packo’s. That’s worth the drive.” 

“I… have to agree.” The fried pickles were nothing to write home about, but the Hungarian-style hot dogs were suspiciously awesome. There was a reason the walls were covered in autographed hot dog buns. “I did have fun, for what it’s worth. So… thanks. For pulling me out of my comfort zone once again.” 

“I’m still convinced you could have given a great Hammer-Fu demonstration.” Susan snorted at Elliot’s comment, before dissolving into giggles. She opened the stall and toweled off. 

“It’s less a martial art and more a martial impulse. Grab hammer, hammer a fool, dismiss hammer.” She glanced up at her wet clothes, and then at the door. The prospect of being naked around Elliot didn’t bother her, for obvious reasons. Still, this was the first time she’d be around him - her, whichever - without Ashley around. Of course, she knew that Ashley was fine with whatever they’d do tonight, judging by the string of emoticons in that last text she’d sent. She hesitated just a moment before digging the watch out of her pocket, pulling it onto her wrist, and shifting into catgirl mode. No-frills, just her with a tail and kitty ears. She let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding - her mind was quieter when she was transformed, for reasons she could never adequately understand. 

When she opened the door, wrapped in a smallish but fluffy towel, she wasn't sure what to expect. Elliot's change was dramatic. She was presently half a head shorter than Susan, with waist length violet-black hair, and a faint smile, the outfit he'd been wearing before replaced with a clingy, damp silk dressing gown. Susan stared blankly, and made the most eloquent comment she could.

“Buh.”

“Yeah. I was hoping this would let me change into dry clothes, but evidently it doesn’t work that way.” She laughed gently. “My turn to warm up?”

“Uh. Yes. Yes, please, go ahead.”

“Thanks, Kitten.” She bobbed up on tiptoe to kiss Susan’s forehead. She wasn’t sure if Elliot was deliberately trying to let her hips sway like that or if it was just how she walked in that form, but her eyes were more or less glued to her ass as she walked into the bathroom.

“I take it you don’t want the company in there?” Susan called out. Elliot did leave the door ajar…

“I’d like the company, but, uh… it’s not a great idea…”

“...oh?” Susan didn’t hide her faint disappointment with that. 

“I have a hard time keeping my footing in the shower when, uh… when I’m touching myself. And this shower doesn’t have those textured rubber… things.” The little raised rubber safety stickers, Susan realized quickly. Elliot’s brief lapse into Buffyspeak didn’t hinder her understanding at all. 

 

“So as much as you’d like to get wet with me, you don’t want to end up collapsed atop me, with at least one of us concussed?”

“Not my idea of sexy, yeah. And I’m pretty sure we’re still going to get wet together.”

“I left myself open for that one.” Susan’s eyes closed slowly. 

“You really did.” The shower turned off - just a little bit of warmth, it seemed, not a deep scrub. Susan glanced into the bathroom, and was rewarded with the sight of Elliot stepping out of the shower, toweling off. She didn’t wrap up in the towel, either aware of Susan watching, or else just enjoying a moment of sweet, unrestrained nudity - she just rubbed herself down, starting at the hair and moving downwards. For the first time, Susan realized just how similar this particular form’s body was to hers - long dark hair, small and pert breasts, long legs… a little shorter, a little more pear shaped. She wasn’t sure what that said, about Elliot’s tastes or about the Will of Magic or about her own reaction to Elliot’s body, but it was certainly interesting. When Elliot lay down on the bed, Susan slid up next to her. Elliot’s arm wrapped about her shoulder, and she laid her head on her stomach. Neither went straight for the kiss, content to be close to each other a moment. 

“I was a little bit afraid.” Susan hadn’t expected those words to come out of Elliot’s mouth. She looked up at her, too shaken to avoid hiding her surprise. “Not - I’m not talking about anything about today, or - just stay with me a sec.”

“I’ll do my best to follow along.”

 

“So - I don’t - I don’t really have a gender identity anymore.” She’d spent months changing into a girl before bed. Susan knew that - when she’d awakened as a mage, her first spell had been one to turn into a girl. Then she got a spell to turn into a superheroine and then a quick ‘secret identity’ spell (also female)... it did make sense that after all that time being female Elliot would become comfortable with it. But this felt like more than that. “I’m not sure I ever really had one, besides what I took for granted. Being a boy was all I knew, and it felt natural, and I never had a problem with it. Then I spent time as a girl, and that also felt natural. I had a problem with it at first, but that was mostly because I thought I should have a problem with it.”

“Overcompensating?”

“Right.” There were other outside issues, sure, but she wasn’t going to dwell on them - doubly so when one of those issues was still out there and still an annoyance to her. “It took me a while to get used to the idea of just… not being entirely male up here.” Elliot tapped her forehead. “And even though I know everyone in our friend group is comfortable with the idea of being genderfluid…” Thanks to Tedd, naturally. “...it still freaked me out a little.”

“Because you didn’t want to be associated with… Teddness?” Susan scooted up until her chin was on Elliot’s shoulder. 

“Not really that. I think it was because... there was a tiny part of my brain that was afraid of how Ashley would take it.”

“The girl that has a potent transformation fetish, likes both genders, and was pretty quick to accept the idea of dating two people at once.” Susan let a little dry sarcasm drift into her words - not enough to hurt, just enough to make it clear that the thought was pretty absurd. Elliot snorted.

“You’re getting it. It’s absurd, right? Completely illogical.” She turned and buried her nose in Susan’s hair. “But stupid fears can stick around, even after you’ve done everything possible to reason them away. Hell, I was almost afraid my gender thing would cause problems when our couple turned into a triad.” 

“...that’s why you don’t pick up a female form often when it’s the three of us?” 

“Yeah. Well - no. That’s a little part of it. A part I’m… presently trying to bludgeon to death.”

“Then what’s the rest?” Susan’s head straightened. Elliot blew a strand of hair from her face. 

“Promise you won’t get upset?”

“I promise I will not hammer you.” Elliot visibly thought over how specific that promise was, before deciding it was good enough. 

“I don’t know what you find sexy in women. Ashley will give me specifics to hit for girly forms she wants to have sex with, or just make out with, or just ideas she thinks will be cute. Rose Ellie was made almost entirely with her input.” 

“So… you want to make sure that whatever form you pick, I’ll think it’s cute?” Susan’s grin widened a little further. 

“If you don’t mind sharing your thoughts on the topic.” 

“Your current form is certainly very sexy. Rose is…” She thought carefully about it a moment. Picturing her and Rose. Ashley and Rose. “...I don’t want to just say ‘very sexy’ again, but that’s what comes to mind. I can’t really think of Heidi as sexy, though.”

“Thank God.” Elliot snickered. Susan blinked a few times. 

“Pardon?”

“She’s cute, but Heidi is asexual. Like, zero-sex-drive, completely okay with friendly smooching and cuddling and might be totally okay with having sex, and might even think it’s fun, but has absolutely no desire to initiate anything. It’s gotten to the point where I just can’t feel like sex if I’m wearing a body that feels close to her.”

“...you really think of her as another person?” She kissed Elliot’s cheek, starting to nuzzle up to her properly. Elliot’s hands drifted to her waist. 

“Kind of. And… kind of not. Ugh. Let’s not ponder Little Miss No Verbal Dam at the moment?” 

“Right.” Susan took a moment to think. “Honestly… I’m still feeling out my tastes. I tried not to think about men in a sexual context for a long time. I’ve only been thinking of women that way for a year or so…” She trailed off. For a moment, she just stared at Elliot, before their lips found each other’s. It was not a deep, thirsting kiss. Just a smooch. A pleasant bit of comfort for both of them. “...so long as it’s you, I don’t think it matters that much.” 

Elliot’s next kiss was longer. Slower. It said things that she probably couldn’t put into words at the moment. Thank you, and I know it was silly but hearing it out loud makes it all feel better, and I really want you to appreciate this form the way I’ve come to, What Elliot actually said when the kiss parted was “Are you alright with… uh… with things not… being kinky tonight? I don’t - I mean, I can, but I just want…” 

“To make love?” Elliot’s cheeks went pinker, and she nodded. Susan pressed her forehead to hers, and squeezed her close. 

They made the check-out time the next morning, but it was a close thing.


End file.
